Reasons to Loathe [COMPLETE]

Kabanata 26

TIME'S UP

Ardent

Umuwi akong naiinis na naman. Ang lalaking 'yun, akala mo kung sino para halikan ako kung saan at kailan niya gusto. Although wala namang nakakita bukod kay Leandro, nakakainis pa rin dahil... dahil... dahil ambilis.

Like, wtf?! I was enjoying it already. Right there and then I am so ready to forgive him. And that irritates me too. Like, how can I easily forgive him because of a kiss? A so damn good kiss.

It was violent and soothing at the same time. It made me forget why I'm mad at him and it made me hate myself too. It made me hate myself for being weak.

I loathe him, I reminded myself. But it was futile. Naiwan na ata ang memorya ko sa punyetang halik na yun.

Tapos aalis pa siya habang binabantaan akong mambababae siya?! Tanga ba siya? Edi mambabae siya! Huwag lang rin siya makakaangal kapag ako ang naghanap ng lalaki.

"How did it went, apo?" lola asked as I enter the house.

It went bad! It was good pero dahil bitin, it went bad.

Dahil nga mainit ang ulo ko ay hindi ko iyon pinansin at kunot noong dumiretso ng hagdan.

"Where's Leandro, Ardent?" pahabol niya ring tanong na hindi ko rin sinagot.

Iniwan ko si Leandro sa gitna ng daan kanina at nangungulit na naman. Tinatanong ako kung kami na raw ba at tinawag ko siyang baby. I swear, he's really the male version of Amy. Bukod sa maingay, slow at uto-uto pa.

Speaking of Amy, hindi na siya pumasok since the accident, okay lang naman though kasi wala ng regular class that time at sem break na ngayon. Kaso, kahit na nasa bahay lang siya ay hindi kami nagkikita.

Hindi ko pa siya nakakausap since makauwi siya from the hospital. Kung makikita ko kasi siya ay iniiwasan niya rin naman ata ako. Sigurado naman akong kagaya nina Daryl ay may hinanakit siya. Actually, siya ang may pinakamalaking dahilan para magalit sa'kin. Bukod sa hindi ako nakinig sa kanya, pinasubo ko siya at wala akong nagawa para iligtas siya.

I should at least say sorry para man lang matupad ko ang pangako ko kay Lorenzo. Patawarin man niya ako o hindi, it's her choice. Pero from what I've heard from Mang Butsoy, tinutulungan niya si Lorenzo. And that's enough to say na she doesn't hate me that much. Sinusuportahan pa rin niya kami ni Lorenzo.

I promised na ito na ang huling araw na hindi ako humihingi ng tawad kay Amy. This day won't end nang hindi ko nasasabing nagsisisi ako sa naging desisyon ko. I want her to forgive me not just because i'm being bugged by my conscience nor just to say na sinunod ko ang gusto ni Lorenzo. I want her to forgive me because I know that what I did was wrong and also because I want her to be that annoying and nosy girl na laging nag-iingay nandyan man ako o wala. Pero kung hindi, it's okay. At least I tried.

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"Are you joining the backyard camping?" lola asked nang maghapunan.

"I don't think so," I said nonchalantly. "Mas gusto ko munang iprioritize ang Hacienda Alejandro. It would be hard for me to convince them and I need every time I have to plan and study. Gusto kong ma-close ang deal before mag-start ulet ang classes."