Covered in dirt

Chapter 39 "Hate you?"

Anderson's P.O.V

"Ugh, when the fuck will we reach?"

"Can you shut up for a while? We're almost there,"

The car comes to a halt and Nick was the first one to jump out followed by Hezeke rolling his eyes then me. I look at the surroundings and a sudden nostalgia hits me.

"Why are we here?" my tone was bitter and held no emotion as I scanned my surroundings, my eyes landing on a small tree house peeping from the backyard. Everything was the same. Exactly how we had left it. The small gate, quite dirty but it was still in shape, I vividly remember running up the porch that led to a wide brown door, where the tiny "Our beautiful family" wooden carving hung that I and my brother had carved out.

I walk up the porch, everything felt so weird and yet the same. For a moment I wished to just close my eyes and hope this all turns out be just some nightmare, that I'll wake up in this house, in my room and come downstairs to see my dad flipping pancakes and my mom making her coffee, and of course, Rio still sleeping like the lazy ass he was... But unfortunately, nothing happens. Everything in front of me was real. My abandoned old house looked depressing, it no longer gave the vibe of a 'home', it was just some old house.

"Why did you bring me here?" my voice comes out shaky but I couldn't care less.

"We told you, we want you to meet someone," Nick shrugs.

"Who's that person?"

"He'll be here soon," Shade replies and pushes me ahead. He? Who is it?

I walk to the backyard through the small passage that connected our front yard. The tiny treehouse my dad had built for me and my brother was still there. Though we hardly used it after we grew up, it still held so many memories. From me breaking my leg to my brother starting a bee chase.

I miss all that.

I hear the sound of a motorbike pull up in front and in a minute or so we hear the creaking of the gate open. I give a confused look to the guys, but they all just stood there still as if their very next moment might blow up something.

"Excuse me?" A voice calls out probably from the porch. "Is anyone here?" the voice came closer and now it was so clear that a chill runs down my spine.

"Hello?" I could hear the crushing of leaves as the person approached us and my anxiety grew. It couldn't be. Nope it can't be.

"Can someone te-"

Heavy silence hangs in the air as soon as our eyes meet. My face went pale, and my hands became shaky as I stared into familiar icy blue eyes.

It's him.

My throat was dry and all kinds of emotion–shock, longing, sadness, pain, bliss, everything flashed in front of me. I couldn't believe my eyes... I couldn't believe that he was actually here in front of my eyes.

"Lewi?" He says in a shock. That name. It's the nickname of my middle name. And only he called me that because of his stupid reason saying he couldn't find any unique nickname for 'Anderson'.

I couldn't reply, my mouth was sealed shut. My heart painfully clenched and my eyes started to blur. Here he was, the man I hadn't seen in a year, the reason I woke up everyday for.... My brother, Rio Murdock.

I take in his appearance, he had grown way taller than he used to be, broader shoulders, dark brown hair he got from my dad, identical face like mine.

"Lewi? I... I can't believe..." He seemed lost for words. I take shaky steps forward until I was only a few meters away from him.

I felt like a small kid again, flashbacks of my childhood flashed in front of me, memories of me always looking up to my older brother, memories of us playing all of it came back. I could hardly see anything, I feel a single tear escape when I looked into his glossy eyes, and that was it. Without a second thought, I rush forward, almost desperate and hugged him tightly. Tears flew out my eyes with no control, like as if a big part I was missing finally clasped back.

We stayed like that and I could feel him shaking under my grip with soft sobs.

"Where had you been?" I croak out. "Why did you leave us here alone? Why did you not come to see mum? Why did you not stay? Were you that angry with me?"

I had millions of questions for him, questions I would ask myself everyday to sleep.

"I'm sorry Lewi... I'm so sorry." He sobs and it was the most painful thing ever. I always had my older brother like a rock for me, he was the reason for my strength, after he left, it felt like he took away all my strength from me. Seeing him like this hurt so much.

"I'm sorry too... I should've never.." I trail off remembering that awful day after our huge fight. The day everything collapsed.

"It wasn't your fault. None of it was," He looks at me and I could see the same pain reflect on his face. In spite of not being here with us I could tell he was going through the same as me.

"I'm so sorry I left. I was too ashamed. Ashamed to face mom..you. Had I taken things maturely, dad would've still been here, mom would still be having her memory. I was too guilty, I couldn't face anyone so I ran away. I was never angry at you, I was angry at myself. Till this day I am, and I regret everything," he wipes his tears and the hurt in his eyes was way too overbearing.

"I kept a check on you though, once in a while I would call Eric and ask him about you, I'm so proud that in spite of all the burden you carry you made it so far, but I'm also very guilty that as an older brother I wasn't there for you. I'm really sorry,"

"I wish you stayed a bit longer. Atleast made one call, just one call. It would've been more than enough," My voice was very shaky but I wanted answers. Did he ever forgive me? Does he still think I cheated on his girl? Is our bond permanently destroyed?

"I know I should've. But everytime I picked up my phone, my shame and guilt got the best of me. But I missed you and mom so much," he smiles sadly. "Everyday has been hell, wondering if you guys are alright, if you both are happy? Everything I had collapsed. If anything then only the fact that you were here, looking after mom made it better. I know I could trust you, I always did. I never meant anything I had said that day. I just wonder if you still hate me for all of this,"

"Hate you? Why the fuck would I hate you? You were not in your right state and none if it was your fault! You didn't do anything! I screwed up! I tried to save one life and instead took two! I thought you went away because of me, I thought you hated me. And...and that's why I started hating myself. I shouldn't have stormed out of the house that day, I could've taken dad to the hospital! He... He would be so disappointed in me," I fall down on my knees and cry. I cry, all the emotions I had bottled up burst open, I didn't care if the guys were still behind me watching me have a breakdown. But I cried out my heart and this time instead of no one I had four people sitting around me as I pour out my heart.