Quarantined together | c.c & s.m

48

Shawn's POV

I opened my eyes because a ray of sunshine hit my face. The sun was shining behind the trees so it was still pretty early. I felt a light weight on my back, Mila. But I also felt another thing. My shirt was slightly damp... what? I turned around slowly and carefully to not wake Mila up. When I looked at her face, I saw a.... not at all relaxed faced... and dry tears on her cheeks. Had she been crying? I gently placed my hand on her cheek to wipe away the remains of the tears she had. Apparently she had only just fallen asleep because as soon as my thumb touched her cheek, her eyes opened... and the were... pretty red and swollen. "Morning..." She said tiredly, her voice raspy. "Morning baby.... you have been crying... why didn't you wake me up?" I asked right away. She avoided my stare, looking down at my chest. "Baby.... you were there for me yesterday... it's my turn now..." "You're always there for me. Maybe... I should just.... you should just.... I can take care of myself..." "And I know that Mila. You're a grown up woman. I just want to take care of you. Because I love you, no matter how many times you need me." I said softly, wanting her to let me in. She was kinda distant. And I knew that didn't mean anything good. The calm surrounding was helping me think clear though. "Baby, just let me... hold you." I whispered, putting a stray of her messy hair behind her ear. She still didn't look up but I saw her nod slightly. So I pulled her into my chest, her face snuggled into my hoodie and my hands tightly pulling her into me. We both weren't... okay at the moment but Mila always is more... affected by stuff and thats totally okay. It was quiet apart from the sound of birds chirping  and a car passing by. But then, another sound made me look down, quiet sobs and a small shaking body in my arms. "Hey, hey, hey... Baby... why are you crying? You're okay..." I tried to reassure her by pulling her in even closer. "No...." I heard her whimper, trying to pull herself away from me, so I let her. And when I looked at her, it hurt my heart. She had fresh tears running down her face and her lip was quivering as her body shook from her sobs. I knew right away what this meant. Panic attack... but I wasn't really sure until I saw the upcoming symptoms.... I could feel her heart pounding, even though I wasn't holding her against my chest anymore.... Her body was shaking and I could feel her quietly gasping for air as a few pearls of sweat gathered on her forehead. "Shit.... baby... calm down... please." I pleaded, cooing her face with my hands, trying to get her to focus on my breathing. "Mila....copy me..." I said as I made a pattern for her to copy. But she couldn't. "Okay... okay.... please... I- I'm gonna grab your pills... just... stay here... don't- don't move." I stuttered, panicking myself before getting ups, putting the blankets around her and rushing inside to get a glass of water and her pills from upstairs. I then rushed down again and kneeled down next to her. "Here, I'll help you." I helped her sit up so she could drink the water and take the pill. I held the glass to her lips as she popped the pill into her mouth, since her hands were shaking and she couldn't hold the glass properly. I placed the things down and sat back down on the chair we had been laying on. I made sure she was laying comfortable and pulled her into me. She let me. I slightly rocked her back and forth to calm her down a bit. I was worried, of course I was. But it worried me even more that... that her panic and anxieties were this bad since... Matthew. I still know how Sinu used to call me about how worried she had been after one of Camilas calls... and when she first came home after breaking up... she was.... miserable... even though I know she was happy to finally be away from him.

I think she was asleep because she wasn't moving and I was relieved that it wasn't as bad as last time... when she locked herself in the bathroom. I stroked her back lightly, thinking about why she just... had a panic attack. Was it my fault? Maybe if I had stayed awake instead of falling sleep right way... I would have known why she had been crying. But on the other hand. No. There isn't anything I could have done. I know this is not my fault. I cant let my bad thoughts push me down. It's her mind messing with her... thats what's bringing her all these attacks... and I will help her and be here for her, always, even when she's at her lowest.

"Mijo? Are you two okay?" I heard Sinus quiet voice behind me, causing me to turn around. I had been sleeping so I needed a few seconds to realize where I was. "Yeah.... yeah... kind of." I said quietly, looking back down to Mila who was snuggled into the blankets. "What is happening? Why are you two here?" Sinu asked, coming a bit closer to look at Camila. "we... I had a rough sleep so Camila decided to come out here since it would calm us both down... and it did. But now she had a rough night so yeah-" "She had another panic attack?" Sinu stopped me, probably having seen the pills on the floor. "Yeah..." I said, scratching my head. "oh god... I don't think it has ever been this... bad Shawn." She was clearly worried for her daughter. "Thank you for being here for her." she said honest. "Always... I always will." I said, saying out my thoughts from earlier. "I know mijo.... I know... and we're all so thankful for that..." She leaned down and gave me a quick and light kiss on my fore head, rubbing my neck as she looked down at her sleeping daughter once again. "Come inside... you can rest better there." She then said before picking up the glass and the pills. I nodded. I wrapped the blankets around Milas body and then picked her up easily, the pillows under her head. I walked upstairs and placed her on the bed and sat down next to her, leaning myself against the headboard and pulling her head into my lap, stroking her head gently, my phone in my other hand. I was definitely not going on any social media platform any time soon but I texted my parents and Aaliyah. I was glad they were doing good and I was glad everyone was healthy and stuff. I just hope everything gets better soon... this is clearly affecting our mental health...

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Corona did affect my mental health so bad... oh god.

And Mila is bad... again... she was doing so good....