Quarantined together | c.c & s.m

40

Camila's POV

"Shit... open the door.... Mila... Camila!" I opened my eyes after hearing Shawns voice outside and a knocking on the door next to me. "Camila!... " "Hmm...." was all I let out. "Camila? Open the door..." Shawn said behind the door. I had locked the door so Shawn couldn't get in. I really needed him... I tried reaching for the door lock so he could get in and help me... Which I managed to do. "Mila! Oh god... what happened?" He gasped when he saw me on the floor, shaking, bloody palms and tear stained face. He kneeled down next to me, pulling me into his chest, holding me for a bit. "I- I need... pills..." was all I could get out in-between sobs. He understood , gently puling back and standing up to get y pills from the drawer where they should have been. "No... n- not here..." I said, wanting to tell him that they weren't here. "Where are they?" he asked, turning around to me. I could tell he was panicking now by how fast he was moving and looking around. "Okay....Come." he got back down, picked me up and carried me to the bed. "I'll be right back... you- I... I'm gonna get you your pills and a glass of water." He said quick while pulling the blanket over my body. I nodded, rolling onto my side, continuing to sob as Shawn quickly rushed downstairs. I was still in pain... mentally and physically... Why am I like this? Why does it affect me so bad? I'm so fucked up... how does Shawn manage to be with me? Why is he with me? He could literally have anyone... and here he is with me. That though alone, made a new fit of tears stream down my face, making my body shake as a sob escaped my mouth.

"Here.... take these.... and drink water please..." he said, still panicking as he kneeled down next to me and giving me my glass of water with the pills. I shakily took the glass but when he noticed that I was barely able to hold the glass without spilling the water, he helped me, popping the pills into my mouth and gently helping me drink. "Thanks..." I let out as I laid my head back down on the pillow, turning away from him. This was the part where I start to withdraw myself from him without really having control of it. And I hate it. "Mila..." I heard him softly as he placed his hand on my shoulder making me flinch. He quickly took his hand away, not saying anything. I hate this. "Do you... do you want to rest a little?" I was glad he understood. I nodded, pulling the blanket even more over my body. "I love you." He said before standing up and leaving. I love him too. I just... in this state of mind I couldn't say that. My mind was filled with so much hatred and everything was just too much at the moment.

I for sure laid there for almost two hours, my eyes wide open. I wasn't able to sleep. And I also had another anxiety attack....  one of the side effects. It was horrible.... this only happened once before... that I forgot to take my pills because I couldn't find them while I was on tour with the girls. I couldn't sing that day and had to stay in the bus and rest a whole day. But it wasn't as horrible as today... I didn't have all those hate comments in my mind... at least not that day. I closed my eyes, groaning frustrated. I want the pressure in my chest to finally subside. I want to be at peace again.

"Mila?" I heard Shawn's soft voice after a knock on my door. "hmmm?" I let out loud enough so he could hear it. He opened the door, peeking inside. "Can I come inside?" I nodded, not wanting to be completely alone anymore. He smiled slightly and entered with a tray of food in his hands. "I brought a bit of lunch for you... how are you feeling?" He sat down on his side of the bed, looking at me. "Okay." I answered. "Are you hungry?" "A little." I said quietly, looking down at the two slices of pizza he had brought and another glass of water. I sat up, taking the glass of water to drink. "You don't have to eat everything thing... just try please... you didn't even have breakfast." I nodded, taking a slice of pizza and biting a bit from it. It was good but after only half a slice I felt full. "It's okay, no pressure." he smiled softly, kissing my forehead. "Why.... why are you so good to me?" I asked, wanting to know his answer. Why is he like this? The doubts entered my head again. "What do you mean?" He asked confused. "Why are you... why are you still here with... me?" His expression changed from confused to sad. "Mila... because I love you.... only you... please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.... I love you so, so much. And I will forever." He leaned closer to me, pulling me into his arms gently to not knock anything over. I immediately buried my head in his chest, crying. "I love you so much, you don't even understand. It hurts me, seeing you doubting my love for you. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I don't know what else to do to show how much I love you." "No... y-you are doing everything right... it's me... my thoughts... I'm sorry...." I mumbled, looking up at him. "Don't be sorry... I just need you to know that I love you. No matter what happens, alright?" I nodded slightly, my face back in his chest. He rubbed my back gently to stop me from crying more. "I love you... thank you for being there for me." I sobbed quietly, wanting his comfort. "Always." he whispered, laying us both down on the bed. He spooned me again... an there it was again... the comfort I only get with him.
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Baby Mila :(