Not Everything Is What It Seems (Book I)

Searching for a job means finding problems..

It’s been a day since we returned from the small set of shows the guys gave and I was now on Brian’s room, packing my clothes on my bag.

“What are you doing?” He asked from the doorway with confusion pouring out of his words. I looked up at him and his face matched the tone of his voice; his eyebrows were furrowed together as he glanced between me and the bags on the floor.

“I’m packing..” I answered a little hesitant, diverting my gaze from his eyes.

“Why? Are you leaving?” His voice held hurt and disappointment.

“I need to go home, Brian.”

“But why? Are you feeling uncomfortable living here with me? Was it something that I did or-“

“No, no.. it’s nothing to do with you.” I cut him and he got even more confused. “I’m loving being here with you and you’ve been awesome but.. I just need to go home for a while, I need to wash my clothes, I need to see if everything is fine. I don’t go there since I got fired, skipping the times I went there to grab more clothes.. but I miss home and.. I don’t know.. as I had said once, I’m feeling like I’m camping here.” I explained calmly, watching as his eyes saddened at my words. It made me feel bad inside, but returning home was something I was looking forward for a long time now.

“I didn’t know you felt that way.. you could’ve told me. What can I do to make you feel like you’re at your own home?” He walked towards me and grabbed my hands, looking truly disappointed, I don’t know if with himself or with me.

“You don’t understand. I don’t want you to do nothing because there’s nothing you can do.” My eyes locked with his brown ones as I talked to him and each word that would leave my mouth was making his eyes getting even sadder. I paused for a moment while I took in his reaction. “Brian..” I cupped his cheek with my hand and gave him a small smile. “I don’t want you to think that you’ve been acting wrong with me or that I haven’t enjoying living here because that’s not the truth. I think I’ve never been so happy in my life bu-“

“So why are you leaving? I don’t understand. I really don’t.” He moved away from me making my hand fall from his face. His back turned to me but only for some moments. Soon his eyes were looking deeply at me, trying to figure out the reason I was leaving. “I thought that you were already living with me for good, like.. like officially, but you were just..” He slowed the last part and then stopped talking as he realized he was wrong. It really broke my heart but I couldn’t lie to him. I couldn’t say that he was right and I was just waiting for a chance to move in with him. No. That wasn’t the truth. I just stayed with him this whole time because I was fired and I needed his support, the same way he needed mine.

“I’m sorry, Brian. We had talked about this before. I told you I wasn’t ready yet and that I need more time to think about all of this.”

He sighed and looked at the floor. “Now that I was used to have you here every day, you go away.”

“I’m not going away and we can see each other all the time. We’re separated for like.. only ten minutes or so. Is not that much.” I walked over at him again and he sighed, looking sadly at me.

“But I just don’t understand why now.. in two weeks I’m going on tour again and I’ll be three fucking months without you. Why going away now? Don’t do this to me, Annie. Please. Don’t do this now.” He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly to his chest, afraid that I would leave in any moment. I rested my cheek on his shoulder and also hugged him. I didn’t know what to do. Somewhat, he was right but I was feeling suffocated, I needed my own space for a while to think about everything.