Not Everything Is What It Seems (Book I)

I'm missing you

I watched him walk away and I think I never felt so empty in my life. I just wanted to run after him and never let him go. I didn’t know how I was going to handle being away from him three whole months. The idea was terrifying and my heart ached at the thought. How did I become so addicted to a person?

I always thought it was impossible becoming addicted to someone until I met Brian. He changed my life from the day we met. I might not have noticed in that exact moment but now it’s obvious that we were destined to each other since the beginning. I can’t imagine my life without him, now. He’s just too important for me and I’m going to miss him a lot. I know we can talk every day and it will feel really good to hear his voice, even if it’s through the phone. But it’s not the same. I can’t touch him, I can’t hug him or kiss his perfect lips. I can’t feel his skin and his touch. I can’t see his beautiful smile or even his so infamous smirk that drives me crazy.

It’ll be painful not having him with me but I’ll have to deal with it. I have no other choice. He’s in a band and sooner or later this had to happen. I thought I was prepared but I’m not. I have to be but I’m not. This is not something we can get used to so easily. It takes time. And I need that time as much as I need to be strong and think that Brian didn’t leave me. Because he didn’t. He went on tour with his band, a band of four best friends that fight every single day to keep with their lives even though one of his brothers had passed away. It’s not an easy fight and I admire them for the fact that they never gave up. So, yeah. Brian is doing the right thing. This tour is going to be good for him to heal his heart and soul, to thank their fans for the support, to understand that life can still be enjoyable and Jimmy will always be watching him from above, giving him the strength to go on even when Brian feels like giving up.

I wish I could be with him in those times, when he’s feeling down and sad, because I know he will be. He may look strong on the outside but he’s suffering and his heart is still broken. I know that and he knows that, although he always tries to hide it from me. I wish he didn’t, because it would be so much easier for him just to let go of all of his frustrations and sadness. I would hold him tightly to me just like he does when I’m upset. He always comforts me in the bad moments so why can’t I do the same? Why doesn’t he let me? Why does he always keep everything to him?

Without even noticing, I was crying my eyes out in the middle of the airport. My thoughts were interrupted by an old lady who asked me if I was okay when she saw me stuck there, alone. I wiped the tears away with both of my hands and took deep breaths in order to calm down. I had to fix myself before people started staring at me. I walked towards my parked car and when I got inside, I called Eilis. I needed to meet with her somewhere. I couldn’t be alone right now. She was working, so I decided to visit her.

“Oh girl, come here..” She said as I stepped into the store where she worked. Her arms were opened, inviting me to their embrace. I rushed to her and hugged her, my eyes watering once again as some tears made their way down my cheeks. “You’ll be fine..” She let out a sad chuckle.

“I know.. but it was so hard to see him leave.”

“You knew it was going to be hard.” She slightly moved away to look at me.

“Not as hard as it really was. I don’t want to be three months without him..” I buried my face in my hands and Eilis laughed a little.

“I’m sure that everything will be fine and I’ll always be here to cheer you up whenever you feel sad.” She said to which I smiled.

“Thank you.. you better get ready because I’ll be a mess a lot of times.”

“No, you won’t. Or I’ll call Brian and he’ll catch a plane and fly over here to give you a lecture.”