Killian

Chapter 20*

Sophia

After I had my shower I came back to find August gone. He wasn't in my bedroom and I couldn't hear him. I can't shower with you and control myself. Not when you're right in front of me, not when I can see all of you. That is torture in itself. It shocked me to hear that, to hear him admit something with so beautiful words. I got dressed and managed to find him in the living room, the TV was still on. He was watching Phineas and Ferb again.

He tackled me to the sofa and smelled my hair before kissing me. After a while he grabbed my legs and threw me over his shoulder and went to my room. We've been cuddling for some while now, he's so warm and cozy. So I don't mind laying here in silence, it's been a while since this house has been quiet. His fingers ran up and down my arm while I listened to his heartbeat.  "Do you believe in love?" August questioned so gently. I always thought I did, I loved Killian. With all my heart, and I loved grandad and my auntie. But they all died, for a long time I thought my love was what killed them. "I know love exists in the world" I answer, it's the best answer I can give right now. For what is love really? And what's the difference between loving a child, a parent or a partner? 

I tilt my head slightly up to look at my giant. His blue and brown gaze glued to the ceiling, but he looks down at my movement and gives me a slight smile. "Do you believe in love?" I retort and watch his eyes soften towards me. "I never used to. I never experience or witnessed love as a child. My parents hate each other and never seemed to love me, so I hated them. I never understood why they had me if they were so miserable together. My grandparents died when I was six and after that love became estranged to me. Yet when I saw you I understood that love exist. I know I can feel love" My heart broke into pieces for him.

I'm sensitive they say. Every psychologist, every parent, everyone I've met. You're sensitive, it's a good thing. But it also means I feel for everyone and I especially feel for August. I know love in different forms, however he never felt parental love, ever. "I'm okay" Even though I see his shell slightly cracking. "I'll show you love" I find myself saying to him. His eyes widen a bit, his mouth slightly drops. "We can love each other like there is no tomorrow. As friends, as family or as lovers. I'll show you love. You deserve that" I tell him as I climb on top of his lap and lay my head down.

His heart is beating fast and he's breathing hard too. Nobody has told him this, I know it with how his body responds. I can read that much into him and he's letting me. He's being vulnerable for me. I will be true to my promise, how can I not when I already love him. Whether it's healthy or not I do. I love him so fucking much. "I don't deserve it though, bunny" He whispers huskily as if he's beating himself up over it. How can he say such a thing, everyone deserves love, especially my giant.  It's my turn to wipe his tears now. "In my eyes you do. There is nothing you can say or do that will change that"

"And I mean nothing. You can murder someone and I'll still let you explain why. Just please don't hurt me" I plead with a small laugh and kiss his lips lightly. This day went from upset that he had just left me to surprised he visited. Falling more in love with him and having one of my deepest talks with him. He kisses me back. Gently as if I'm glass and he's stone. I try to tell him through this kiss that I love him. Even if I won't say it yet. "You're mine and I'm yours" August whispers in my ear as we pull apart. "You're mine and I'm yours" I whisper back as a promise. A promise between us, one that will stay between us.

Maybe, just maybe he won't leave.

--

My phone is what wakes me up in the morning. I regret changing my alarm to songs, because I sleep through them now. But August apparently doesn't and nudges me to go turn Britney Spears off. The time is way past ten, at this point I can't even bother stressing about school. If I'm already this late I might as well just not show up. "Go back to sleep" I lull August as I turn back around to him and he wraps his arms around me. His head on my stomach and arms around my butt.