Sword Art Online: The Crystal Swordsman

Solid Detachment

Introvert, Gamer, Artist: Shino

I logged out and yanked the visor off my head, covering my eyes quickly as I was exposed to the light. With the image fresh in my head, the tears began to pour out non stop. I angrily got up, smacked the lights off and curled up in my bed. I cuddled a blanket and scream cried into a pillow. The overwhelming sadness just wouldn't go away.

"How could you do something like that, K?" I weeped.

I suddenly heard my phone begin to vibrate as someone called me. I peeked over and saw the definitive letter K. I angrily threw a pillow at my phone and curled up into my blanket, holding myself as I cried for what felt like hours. I eventually drifted off to sleep and wished this whole night was just a bad dream.

I woke up the next morning with my eyes all red and puffy. The heavy realization of what transpired the night before fell back upon me like a weight on my heart. I began to brush my teeth as I checked my phone for new messages. I had a bunch that were not only from K but everyone else as well. I shook my head and put my phone face down in the bathroom. I spat and finished brushing my teeth but upon entering the kitchen, I realized I wasn't hungry. I returned to my room and sat on my bed, just staring at my computer on my desk. That's when a familiar photo caught my attention. I stood up and picked up the picture frame, taking it back to my bed as I gazed upon it longingly.

A single tear fell onto the frames glass but I cried the rest out the night before. I simply stared deeply at the captured memory. All the motivation and determination drained from me as I laid to cuddle it in my bed. I silently weeped as the surrounding darkness closed in around me.

Introvert, Nerd, Artist: K

I paced around my bedroom irl with my phone to my ear. I rang repeatedly but there was nothing.

"Come on, Shino. Please pick up." I hung up and rang her again.

I patiently waited this time but an automated voice told me to leave a message. I angrily growled and threw my phone at the wall. I paced a few more times and sat at the end of my bed with my head in my hands. I sat in absolute silence as I was overwhelmed with immense inner pain. I lost myself in a churning sea of my darkest thoughts. It blinded my conscience and muted my spiritual intuition. I was left at the mercy of the unending silence.

"What have I done..." I hung my head in sorrow.

I felt emptied of all emotion and drained of my sanity. I picked my head up and looked to my computer desk, hoping to find some kind of inspiration to take my mind off things. Staring right back at me however was a captured memory of Shino and I back when I visited her before. I stood up and slowly gripped the picture frame. I analyzed it and returned to my bed with it in my lap. I held it tight as tears dropped off my cheeks and onto the glass. I hugged the photo and pressed it against my chest, falling straight back onto my bed and expelling built up emotion from my eyes. As a man you're looked down upon for showing emotions for all to see, but alone no one can tell you not to. So much built up sadness, sorrow, and anguish. I ruined everything and it's all my fault. I caused this and I'm the only one to blame. These hurricanes inside of my brain keep churning and blowing my rationality to the winds. I felt like I was losing control as I thought about losing my one true love. I was overwhelmed with bad ideals and misleading outcomes as the unshakable feeling of uncertainty set in. I tried to recollect myself. I tried to stay positive in a situation full of heartache but, to no avail. I decided I had no other choice and grabbed my leather jacket as I went out my bedroom door. Down the stairs I went and I threw my jacket over my shoulders. The cold fresh air washed over me like a shower. I was suddenly engulfed in a gust of overcast winds. I scoffed and put my hood up, proceeding away from my house towards the old railroads I used to hangout at. This time, I had a knife ready in my pocket just in case I was jumped again. Off I went to the rows of decommissioned trains with empty cargo and flatbed rail cars. The familiar gravel beneath my feet left me feeling as tho I was looking down at myself, helpless on the ground below me. I tried to shake the feeling but I couldn't and ran back home. I burst back thru the door and rushed up to my room. I was confused and it shattered my brain. I suddenly started to hear voices and the darkness closed in around me. I couldn't silence them, I couldn't hush them. They just kept telling me to stay quiet, suck it up, be a man. I grabbed a pillow and silently broke down in tears. The voices in my head got loud. The judgment, the heartache, the disappointment. I drew my knife from my pocket and brought it to myself but a force involuntarily threw the knife at the wall. I looked at my own hands and broke down again.

"Where are you, Sinon...? I can't navigate this dark without light. My mind is troubled by the emptiness and my shadows are tiptoeing behind me... As tho I'm running away from my demons again. I'm so sorry that I ever let you down, I'm not in a good place right now. Please... I need you." I looked up and sluggishly lifted myself to the only light in the room, my screen saver.

I reluctantly grabbed the nerve gear helmet rig and laid with it on my head. I let out an unimpressed sigh as I attempted to take my mind off the nightmares.

"Link start."

Introvert, Gamer, Artist: Shino

I arrived slowly at my usual coffee spot but kept my head down when I realized my bullies were all sitting close by. I patiently waited in line as they laughed.

"Next?" The lady behind the counter said.

I walked up and started with a smile as I spoke.

"Can I get a... Umm... Caramel macchiato?" I asked and remembered when K would say it.

"Coming right up." She typed.

As I waited I got lost in thought as if nothing else were around me.

"My little sniper loves Caramel, I remembered."

I turned suddenly as I heard K's voice directly over my shoulder.

"K?" I spoke out loud.

My bullies just laughed at me, but when I looked at them they had larger laughing shadows above them laughing at me too. I almost couldn't hold it together.

"Your drink mis- Hey!" I grabbed the to-go cup and sprinted out the door.

"You didn't pay for that!!" The clerk yelled as I ran away.

I went all the way home and went straight to my bed. Curling up and trying to deny what I just saw. I just hated all those girls voices. For years they've tormented me and even now, they persist. I hated them so much. I cried more as I hugged my pillow. I'll just order whatever I need for awhile.