Ghost Boy // Lil Peep

19.

After spending a week in hospital Mac is ready to get going and meet up with the boys in Boston. Peep tried to stay behind but this is his tour it wouldn't of worked to postpone anything. They FaceTime all the time but she mainly just sleeps trying to come to turns with what happened. She lays in bed cradling her stomach which over the week has gone back to flat. The evidence there ever was a baby in there has disappeared now it only lives in her memories. The boys and crew had been so sweet sending her flowers and sweet treats all week.  Dr Montgomery has got her meeting with the hospital therapist once a day sometimes twice to come to terms with miscarrying at 25. She has grown quite close to the woman, reminds her of her mom, strong, independent. Dr Montgomery brings her some lunch and sits with her to eat.

"Addison will I ever have another baby?" She asks this near stranger such a personal question.

"That's up to you. If you're asking me from a medical perspective then yes you can. If you're asking me from a mental perspective then that's more difficult *she takes a chip from the bag* you have to move past this hurdle to open your heart open to another chance. For some women they can never move past it which is ok. The pain is too real every time they think of opening their hearts like that again. You and Gus need to make that decision as a couple and as individuals" she sips her water as Mac takes in what she has just said.

"Gus would be such an amazing dad. I want to give him that family he wants" she plays with her salad with the fork contemplating everything in front of her. She thought they had just got life figured out and then this happened. They say if you want your plans messed up just tell God.

"Do you want that family?" Addison asks taking another bite out of her food.

"I had my baby. I don't know if I could ever replace it"

"Oh hunny. You're never going to replace that first child, a new baby is not a replacement it's a continuation of your family" Addison finishes up her food. "Ok I'm heading back to work but your labs are good. I don't see why you can't go home tonight"

"Can I fly?" She asks ready to get back to her love.

"Yeah sure. I'll get a nurse to discharge you and pop by before you leave" she walks out the room.

Mrs Åhr👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨💍❤️
Addison says I can fly tonight! I'm coming baby💜I've missed you so much😭 you know this is the longest we've been away since we got married. I love you Gus.

Peepkin🎃
Yay! That's great news baby. Let me know what time your flight lands and I'll be there. I've missed you two baby🥺Let's never spend this much time apart again😭I love you so much baby ❤️

She is actually feeling excited about seeing Gus as selfish as it sounds having time apart from him to grieve has made the process a little easier, she could focus on herself and not have worry about his emotions. She obviously loves caring for him but this is just one thing she needed to do on her own before they did as a couple. The pair had put off their Netflix interview for as along as possible they need to do them soon and they are not looking forward to it, this tour hasn't been anything they thought it was going to be. She sure they've got some fun footage of the tour she hates to think what he's been up to since she left. Addison is true to her word coming to say goodbye before she leaves for the airport, she stands at the front counter staring at the check in girl. 

"Excuse me miss. Where would you like to go?" Mac snaps out of her daze. For a second there she was going to back to London just for a little more time to grieve silently but they have to face this together at some point.

"Urm first class to Boston please" She pulls her card out and pays for the ticket heading straight to the gate. As she lands she gets butterfly's in her stomach like that first time Peep picked her up from the airport. She grabs her bag from luggage before heading out to arrivals. There he stands with a big bouquet of red and white roses and sour patch kids. A smile breaks out across her face, she knows she made the right decision to come back to Boston and not leave to go home. As Gus catches a look at her a smile breaks out across his face as she comes running up to him. "BABYYY" she jumps on him still a little sore from surgery but he is worth every pain. She kisses him all over big squishy face. "I've missed you boo" she jumps down as he kisses her again.

"I miss you too beautiful" he kisses her one last time before they head out to the tour bus. Ready to leave for the next city. Everyone welcomes her with open arms, Gus had clearly told them not to say anything about what had happened as no one mentions it. Chloe got her text and slips a gift into her back pocket that she had requested a couple days ago. She heads into the bathroom before the bus takes off. Pulling out the gift. She takes her pinky nail and does a bump or 3. She instantly feels relaxed and the shaking that drove her insane the last week start to calm down. Her body feels cooler and the chills stop. She feels more her again, heading out the bathroom Gus pulls her in for a cuddle, he squishes her face as he kisses her. She looks up at him, seeing those big brown eyes makes her feel at home again. "You ok babe?" He ask, clocking that her eyes look slightly glassy.

"Yeah I'm good" she breaks loose of his grip grabbing a drink from the kitchen. "Just tired from flying baby" he grabs her hand pulling her toward the bed.

"Come on let's get practicing" he winks at her. She pulls her hand free from him. He pouts in the doorway. "What's wrong? You love practicing"

"I do baby" she caresses his face "but I need to give a little time before I feel myself again. I just had major surgery and I just lo......" she looks up at him not being able to finish that sentence. Her hand covers her mouth trying to hold in the screams of pain she so desperately wants to release. "I just lo....." she can't bring her to say it.

"It's ok babygirl. You don't need to say it. I understand" he holds her as she looks up at him with tears in her eyes.

"No Addison said I need to say it out loud to make it real for me. I can do this. I just lost our........ I just lost our baby" she break down into his chest, he holds there as she cries it all out. He starts to cry he gently edges back into the room, closing the door behind him. They stand there crying it out. Eventually the tears stop and they look up at each other. "I love you and I'm really sorry baby"

"Mackenzie Julieta Richards Åhr, if you ever think this is your fault I'm throw you in the sea* he tries to make her laugh and it works the pair stand their giggle to each other* The doctors triple checked everything and there was nothing wrong with pregnancy, it just didn't take. We can try again. We will have a baby" he kisses her forehead pulling for a cuddle. Mac takes a deep breath not knowing if mentally she can ever have another baby, she doesn't know how to bring this up to Peep without breaking his heart and their relationship.

"I need a drink" she laughs to him "and I mean a drink drink not a soda" he laugh at her as they walk arm in arm back to the their friends. Drinks start flowing, not a party but social. A tray of lines go round the room and doing 2 whole lines again makes her feel so happy. She lays back against the couch, letting the drugs take affect on her she starts giggle to herself. Peep sits opposite looking at her worried at what she is becoming, he never thought they had a problem but Mac's behaviour leading up to the miscarriage makes him start to question whether they do or not. And if they didn't before this miscarriage will definitely send her over the edge into a problem. He doesn't know where this rabbit hole leads but Mac is about to find out before he knows it she got another line going up her nose. Like everyone is forgetting they accused her of withdrawing a week earlier. They are all just joining in with her. Peep heads off to bed without her, she doesn't even notice him leave the room. Too busy getting her fix which isn't him anymore.