Ghost Boy // Lil Peep

21.

"Mr Åhr?" The nurse walks out of the private room calling for him. The calling of his name breaks his thought pattern. He looks up from where he was staring, tears have dried down his cheek. He hasn't been to the hotel in days, stubble has started to grow through he is looking homeless. "You can sit with her now, she is doing well still asleep but she is well surgery was successful and the transplant took beautifully. The doctor is happy with her labs. They are slowly coming up. He think she will wake up soon. The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you" she guides Gus into the private room where his wife lays in bed. Ventilator coming off her, machines beep all around her. He sits on the chair next to the bed not letting go of her hand. His Mom is on a flight over but she told him not to stop speaking to her. The sound of his voice is a familiarity, help her wake up from this. 

"What did you do baby?" He rubs her hand against his face, kissing it. "Oh god baby. You really scared me but we are going to get through this ok. We are gonna come out stronger" he kisses her forehead. She looks so peaceful sleeping there. But he knows she must of been in so much pain to do this. The doctor walks in breaking his thought pattern.

"Mr Åhr.  I'm Dr Grey, Mac is doing well, her transplant took beautiful and is healing. I think she'll be awake soon but the amount of damage in her body from the drugs may slow down that process. There is something else" The Dr Grey shifts her place. "Mac medical directive states that if there is no change for 90 days then we are too switch of life support" Peep looks up at her, shocked that his wife would ever sign this. "This was done many years ago when she first overdose when she was 18.

"No no. I won't let you. She is going to wake up" tears roll down his face.

"I'll give you sometime with her. As this is a private room you can stay as long as you need. If you need anything please get the nurses to page me or talk to them" As Dr Grey leaves the room Dr Montgomery enters.

"Oh Gus I am so sorry" she pulls him in for a hug. She has become close to the couple since the miscarriage.

"Thank you Addison. I'm glad that we are here out of all the hospitals" he sits back down, Addison passes him a coffee as they sit and talk.

A week earlier

The pair sit on a plane excited for a new trip, not a tour, not a work thing just a trip with friends to Seattle. They are visiting friends they've made out there on tour previously. Mac recently has been opening more and more since her first interview with Netflix. But not enough, not enough to give him some comfort with what has happened. Shay and J are meeting them out in Seattle, like the old times they've rented a huge house for everyone to stay in. Just get away from everything and have some relaxing times together. Hopefully Shay will talk some sense into her best friend and get her to open up about everything. Mac doesn't think that Peep has noticed but he has, he sees her doing coke behind his back. He wants to get her help but doesn't know how too, they still smoke their zoots together but this is taking it to the extreme lines are 2pm, 11 am even 10am on some occasions.

"MACCC" Shay screams across the hallway as the pair enter the house. Mac can't tell if she's happy to see or happy to have a weekend away from the baby.

"SHAYYY" she pulls her in for a cuddle and they fall on the ground, having not seen each other in months. Since the last tour. Of course Netflix are here filming. More interviews. Mac pulls Shay into a quiet part of the house. "Shhhhh" as she pulls out a bag of angel dust from her pocket. Shay giggles not realising how bad it has really gotten with Mac. Peep hasn't had the time to fill her in yet. Mac does another bump off her finger losing count of how many she's done since landing. Drinks get flowing, pills are being passed around, Peep keeps a close eye on his wife as she goes hard on the party. The roles has reversed it is normally her keeping a close eye on him and not the other way round. He turns around to talk Kyle for a second when he looks back she is gone. He feels a tap on his shoulder, she is standing there behind with this sexy innocent look on her face, waving a bag of coke in his face. She bites her lip at him, grabbing the bottom of tee pulling him towards her as they head up the stairs. They get into the bedroom she throws him on the bed, climbing on top of him. She kisses his neck slowly moving down his body as he does a bump off his finger nail. She takes his dick her hands, already big and hard for her. Her mouth waters at the sight of it. She slips her lips around it. She hears moans escape his lips, she smirks at her skills. Standing up about to strip down to her underwear.

"Oooo we gonna get back to practicing again?" He smirks thinking he is turning her on more but because she hasn't been talking about it he has no idea what is going round the big smart brain of hers.

"Why would you say that?" Her whole attitude shifts to pissed off.

"What do you mean baby? I thought you wanted to have a baby" he starts kissing her stomach through her too.

"We just lost our baby and you're ready to have another?"she pushes him away and looks at him like she can't believe he just said that. "How can you even think about that?"

"Baby we don't have to one right away but we can at least practice" he tries to salvage the situation.

"I DON'T WANT ANOTHER BABY. I HAD MY BABY, NOW I DON'T. I WANT MY BABY NOT ANOTHER ONE. NOT A DIFFERENT ONE" she screams at him letting all the frustration out. Tears stream down her face. She storms out of the room,

Peep lays there on the bed. He should be pissed at her for the outburst but he is actually relived that she has finally let out some true emotion on the situation. He can finally start to help move forward from this. Mac sorts her self out in the bathroom mirror, heading back downstairs with the music playing no one heard her scream at Peep. She is totally ashamed at herself for doing that, she will apologise to her husband but first a line or two. Before she knows it she has finished off a bag to her self and finds her self in the bathroom blood pouring out of her nose. She manages to stop the blood does the fattest line you've ever seen. The rest of the night is a bit of a blur for her. People keep handing her shots and drinks and pill and more lines. She can never say no to them. Once again she finds herself back in the bathroom for some privacy, looking at the time it has been hours since her outburst at him, he has been giving her space, deciding it's time to explain everything she does one more line before standing up to leave the bathroom. Getting up a bit too quickly she stumbles back with a dizzy head. Losing her balance she falls on the ground, looking up at the ceiling. She misses their bedroom, she misses their stars. Laying there for a while she realises she is never going to get over the loss of her baby but that doesn't mean they can't move forward with their family. Just means every now and then they should remember the one they lost. That she can do, she tries to get up again to tell Peep this and apologise for the last few weeks but her body has other ideas, her eyes start to close.

"Ok just a quick power nap" she doesn't fight the feeling closing her eyes. The room around her starts to spin then everything goes black.

"Baby? Baby? MAC?" Peep runs around the house trying to find her. She wouldn't of left. Where would she go? He sees the bathroom light on, he knocks on the door "Baby?" There's no response. Assuming it's someone else he goes back to the living room. entering the room he realises everyone is he. Him and J rush back to the bathroom, he kicks the door door in seeing Mac laying on the floor. Somethings different. This isn't like the other time's he caught her in an OD, she's cold, no breathing. J calls an ambulance as Peep performs cpr on her. Tears streaming down his face. Everything happens in hyper speed to the point he can barely remember what he just did. The paramedics arrive they hook her up to all sorts of machines before putting in the ambulance. He grabs her bag and phone before jumping in the back of it. He stares at his wife laying there lifeless, her shirt ripped down the middle, wides stuck all over her. The heartbeat machine beeping is his only sanity knowing she is still alive.

1 week later

"Baby? Liza pokes her head around the hospital door.

"Mama" Gus goes running over to her. Pulling her in for a cuddle crying all over her. They sit either side of Mac. There's no talking, they are happy with the silence for now. "Mom?"

Liza looks up from her book "Yeah Gus?"

"What if she never wakes up?" Liza looks at him. She is usually full of advice for her young son. But she truly has no answer for him.

"If Mac doesn't wake up then it'll be heartbreaking. Soul crushing but we will still be breathing and we will move forward. Maybe not on but forward" she knows that isn't what he wants to hear.

"If Mac doesn't wake up, then I'll join her" he breaks his gaze with her looking up at his Mom. Eyes filled with tears and pain. She truly believes that he would do that. That hurts her even more to loose both of them.