DISCONTINUED

Chapter 10

*** A/N: Chapter / scene song from playlist - DARLING (Adam Barnes) ***

That night Garreth and Luna had what was, given the circumstances, an oddly "normal" dinner together. If they didn't think about it too hard, it was easy enough to view this as just one of those nights when Julia had to work late and miss dinner.

Things were pretty quiet for the rest of the evening though. Julia had always been the energetic, talkative one and Luna would typically follow her lead, but obviously that wasn't the case tonight, nor would it ever be again. Luna had offered to help her Dad with the dishes but when he'd said that he'd take care of them himself she had more or less retired to her room for the night.

Garreth knew that she wasn't in denial. She openly acknowledged that her Mother was gone. Forever. But she also wasn't really acting like she knew, or at least not the way that Garreth would have expected her to. But then again, who was he to critique her grieving process? He knew that everyone grieved differently, but he'd never had such an up close and personal encounter with that truth. Maybe it was better this way? If Luna was as openly messed up and non-functional as he seemed to have the potential to be moment to moment who knows just how dark of a hole the two of them might spiral down into. He wished that he was the strong one - that just seemed more appropriate - but Julia always was the "rock" of the family and Luna was so much like her Mom. Garreth still worried about her, but it seemed that right now he just didn't have the capacity to do much to help her even if she needed it.

After cleaning up Garreth sat for a while, mindlessly flipping through channels on the viewer. There was lots of talk about the mass inoculation, but Garreth couldn't bring himself to care much right now about why this was news to him. He'd get to the bottom of all of that when he got back to work. Eventually he shut everything down and made his way upstairs to bed, earlier than normal, stopping by Luna's room first to say goodnight. Her door was partially open, and she was sitting on her bed, reading. He poked his head in.

"Goodnight Lu. Love you."

"Goodnight Dad. Love you too."

She looked up at him from her book, loosely biting her lower lip. When she didn't make a move towards him, but rather, after a few seconds turned back to her book, he quietly turned and started walking down the hall to his room. As much as he desperately wanted, even needed, to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight, it obviously wasn't what she needed right now, and he wasn't going to force that on her. She loved him and he knew that. She longed for Julia just like he did, and he knew that too.

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Garreth lay in bed staring at the pillow on which his wife's head would never again rest.

Well G, look on the bright side. My snoring won't keep you awake anymore.

He lost it yet again. He remembered all those times when he might have been slightly annoyed, maybe even a little "angry" when Julia's snoring had interrupted his sleep and he felt so ashamed... ashamed and almost responsible somehow that she wasn't here now. Yea, he knew that was stupid but there it was anyway. What he wouldn't give to be kept awake again by the sounds of his beautiful wife sleeping peacefully next to him, snoring like a freight train.

He almost didn't hear the soft scratching at his bedroom door over the sounds of his own sobbing. He got up and opened the door to find Mack standing there, obviously wanting to come in.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" Mack always slept with Luna unless she happened to be away for some reason. The little guy trotted in and pawed at the bed, which was far too high for him to reach on his own.

"OK, ok. Just a minute... let me get your stool ok?"

Garreth placed the stool at the foot of the bed and Mack immediately clamored up and nestled himself half under the covers, laying his head on Julia's pillow. Garreth lay down beside him and Mack began to gently lick the salty tear stains from his face, whimpering ever so softly.

"I know buddy... I miss her too. I miss her too."

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There was no way to describe the week that followed as anything other than a week from hell, the days filled as they were with all those tasks that were as unthinkable and difficult as they were necessary. Garreth skipped work and Luna skipped school, but for the most part she just stayed home while Garreth took care of the "Julia" things that needed taking care of. Frankly he would have welcomed Luna's presence and support every step of the way had she offered, but there was no way he was going to ask for her help with such things as picking out a box in which to bury her Mom.

A package that had arrived on Tuesday addressed to Julia served as another weird reminder that his wife didn't live here - or anywhere - anymore. Garreth wondered just how long mail would continue to be sent to her, gradually decreasing in frequency until one day no more would arrive. He wasn't sure which would bother him more, continuing to receive mail addressed to his dead wife or the day when no more mail came for her?

This particular package was odd in that it was not only addressed to Julia, but it was clearly done so by her, in her own handwriting. Inside were some interesting sample results, but they made no sense to him out of context like this and there weren't any explanatory notes attached or anything. While he couldn't understand why she would have mailed this to herself, he just dismissed it as something she must have been working on. If he remembered he'd bring it into work next week and ask somebody, just to satisfy his curiosity. Truthfully, with her gone it probably didn't matter much now.

Julia's memorial service was held on Friday. People said it was "nice". While he appreciated the sentiment, it was also all Garreth could do to not slap those people. Nothing about this was nice.

And then she was really gone. His beautiful Jules... buried in the ground... in a box. As it was being lowered, he realized how stupid and pointless it was that he'd bought a relatively nice box, and at the same time he wished with all his being that he'd gotten her a nicer one. He fell, knees to the ground and wept like he never had before.