DISCONTINUED

Chapter 44

Garreth was startled out of his thoughts by someone sitting down none too subtly on the bench right next to him, so close that they lightly jostled his arm.

"Well, I sure hope you haven't just been sitting here for the past 3 days. I mean, I haven't seen you around, but you have actually moved since we met here a few days ago, right? Or are you still trying to down that horrible coffee that I bought you?"

It was Lynn. Smiling Lynn.

"Hi Lynn. And yes. I have moved. I'm just... back. I seem to spend a lot of time here."

"Yes, yes you do. Staring into your coffee mug. It's not like tea you know. It's not going to reveal your future or anything. There are no leaves to read in there."

"Ha. Yea, I know. I guess I'm just... I dunno, I guess I'm sort of struggling with being motivated enough to do much of anything really. It all sort of seems, well... more or less pointless." He ran his thumb back and forth on the rim of his coffee mug. Wow. Why did he find it so easy to open up to this woman?

Beats me G. I'm not sure you were ever this comfortable with me.

Julia... don't.

Ok, ok. I'm just kidding. But I am glad, truly glad, that you're talking to someone. And if you're going to feel comfortable with anyone she might as well be cute, right?

Jules...

Lynn grimaced and pulled away from Garreth just a bit, as if she was worried that his attitude was contagious

Garreth smiled weakly. "Sorry. I know. I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine, am I?"

He spun around on the bench and stretched his legs out, leaning against the table and letting his head fall back as he stared at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "Things have changed so much. I couldn't have imagined, not in my worst nightmares, that all of this would transpire. It's crazy. And I'm just, well..." He turned to look at Lynn with sad, searching eyes. "What if this is as good as it gets now, you know? What if this is it? I just... I don't know if I can deal with that."

Lynn crossed her arms as she sat for a moment, thinking. She turned to Garreth. "OK, but what if this is as bad as it gets?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Ummmm. I'm pretty sure that's not how the saying goes."

She brushed off his comment with a flick of her hand. "Yea, yea... I know. But think about it for a moment. You either focus on things not getting any better, or you can choose to focus on the fact that they could be worse. And, you know... be thankful that they aren't. Worse that is."

Garreth gave her a look that said 'really?' as she continued.

"Look, I'm not suggesting that things don't suck and that any of this should ever be considered at all normal or acceptable, and I agree that we should all fight like hell to make things right or better however we can. But in the midst of all that, is there anything wrong with trying to sort of see the 'silver lining' or look on the 'bright side', or at least on the less-dark side? Isn't that a healthier way to be?"

Garreth sat and fidgeted with the buttons of his shirt.

Oh, don't worry honey. I'm sure the nice lady will leave soon so you can go back to wallowing in your self-pity. And if you push her away enough times, I'm sure she'll eventually give up and stop talking to you altogether. C'mon G. Give your head a shake! This woman is making sense. Listen to what she's saying!

Lynn reached out and gently placed her hand on Garreth's leg. He stared at it but resisted the temptation to move - his leg or her hand - away.

"Your wife, your 'Jules'... she's gone. So are a lot of other good people. We can't change that. But your daughter is still alive, and you get to see her fairly regularly, right?"

"Yea. I do" said Garreth quietly. "Not nearly as often as I'd like to, but I do see her."

"Right. So that's a good thing. And how do you feel right now, I mean physically? Are you hurt... are you in pain?"

"No, I'm ok. I mean, I had a headache earlier, but no... not like you mean. No, nothing serious."

"And do you have food? A place to stay?"

"Yea. I do."

"So, it's not all bad then, is it? I mean, sure we could sit here and dwell on the negative - goodness knows there's no shortage of that - but it's a beautiful day out. Don't you think we should do our best to embrace our privilege of enjoying it? Isn't it almost our responsibility to do so? If we don't, aren't we really doing a disservice to those that can't?"

Garreth stared at the floor. He had to admit that it sounded an awful lot like something Julia would say.

Damn right it does G.

He turned to her and smiled. "Well, aren't you just a bundle of optimism."

Lynn shook her head slowly. "Nah, not really. I just think of myself as a realist that works hard at trying to maintain a positive attitude. I just try to live as best and as fully as I can within my current reality even as I try to change it... to improve it."

They sat quietly for a few moments before Garreth finally spoke.

"You know, you sound a lot like Julia when you talk like that."

Lynn smiled. "Well, she must have been a very wise woman then."

"Ha. Yes. Yes she was."