DISCONTINUED

Chapter 62

*** A/N: Chapter / scene song from playlist - LOVE HAS NO LIMITS (Fleurie) ***

It was just Garreth and Ben in the room, and while the doctor busied himself making the necessary preparations, Garreth sat on the edge of the exam table, trying his best to steady his nerves.

"I'm really sorry Garreth" said Ben over his shoulder as he worked "but I wasn't able to secure any appropriate pain meds on such short notice."

His comment caught Garreth off guard. While he realized that the thought of any discomfort he might experience rather paled in comparison with the realities of the 'bigger picture', he'd never really considered that the procedure itself might actually be painful. He tried his best to push those thoughts aside.

"That's ok Ben. Thanks for trying."

Ben stopped what he was doing for a moment and turned to look at Garreth. "When the pain does come Garreth, it won't, uh... it won't last long."

Garreth pursed his lips and silently nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement.

"Needless to say, it's a very brave thing you're doing. You have my utmost respect and you should be proud of yourself."

As the doctor turned back to his work, Garreth reached into his pocket and pulled out a photo of Julia and Luna. It was actually a set of three photos that they'd had taken in one of those photo booths. In the first picture they were smiling happily, beautifully, at the camera. In the second they were each making their best "funny" face. And in the third they were looking at each other, hysterical with laughter. He loved that third photo. He loved them all, but that third one... those were his girls. He held the photo to his heart and closed his eyes as he tried to slow his breathing.

Despite what he was prepared to do - what he was going to do - he still felt like such a coward. He was so scared. He'd always wished and hoped... maybe even almost expected that if a time for 'sacrifice' ever came that he'd be brave. Totally committed and fearless, without hesitation. But he was none of those things. Truthfully, he was barely hanging on.

He remembered the day, the moment, Luna was born and how one of his very first thoughts at the time had been that he'd do anything to protect that new little life. He'd never wavered in that commitment, but he was certainly being called to task now. He was ashamed that he felt so scared but scared or not, today he would make good on the promise he'd made so many years ago, and he tried his best to convince himself that he was glad to do it.

Random moments flashed through his mind. Memories of the two of them sitting quietly away from the crowd at her second birthday party, holding hands, when she'd felt overwhelmed by all the attention. Of picnicking at the beach as a family on a beautiful summer day and tossing her high in the air again and again as she shouted "mo' Daddy mo'!" in between infectious giggles. And of feeding her bedtime bottle to her, those big curious eyes staring up at him and her tiny hand clasped firmly around his finger. He released the grip he'd been holding on the bedside that had been turning his knuckles white and slowly flexed his hand. Realizing that he'd also been clenching his jaw he deliberately flexed it a few times too and breathed deeply in his nose and out his mouth as his heart rate gradually slowed. This was for her. It was all for her.

"Garreth?"

Garreth opened his eyes at hearing Ben speak softly, his voice barely audible above the whirring and humming of the machines he'd now wheeled over in between the table Garreth sat on and the currently empty one next to him.

The doctor looked up at the clock on the wall. "It's time Garreth."

Garreth's fist once again involuntarily clenched the side of the table and he felt his heart start beating faster. He swallowed hard and took a few deliberate, deep breaths, licking his suddenly dry lips. He rubbed a hand across his forehead which was now beading in a cold sweat.