messy sketchbooks

sleepless shifts

you couldn't sleep that night. a part of the reason was because living in a run down apartment in the middle of new york meant your windows weren't really equipped with the latest noise cancelling glass. your window still not fixed, so the duct tape covering the frame of wood was your only protection from the consistent noise of constant traffic, yelling of strangers and permeating rain. you tossed and turned. switching from the warm side to the cool side with an annoyance.

him. he was the other reason why you found it so hard to drift off into a sense of nothingness. the way his voice made you fear his actions and at the same time provided you with an invisible shelter of warmth and protection. the way his fingers caressed your skin with such ease, like he knew the road map of your body without even having to look. even his smell was permanently dangling in front of your nose. the coarse of leather, providing the dominant exterior he gave off while under was the scent of burning, a suffocating, intoxicating addictive smell of fire. it was like your own drug. you wanted more of it. your mind flipped through the events of your evening.making you come just with his fingers, idly grazing at your clit before sinking into you, causing you to uncontrollably moan. you felt embarrassed when leaving room three after a couple of minutes of calming yourself down. thinking everybody in the vicinity of that plaza heard the way he made you scream and pine for more. luckily they didn't. kylo was on your mind, and there was no way you were sleeping tonight. 

you ached as you got up off your mattress, grabbing your phone, the light burning your eyes, the time read 4 am. you had a couple more hours before having to face him again. you wrapped your blanket around your body, hands grazing at your nightstand, pulling it open, rummaging around until your finger tips felt the lighter you were wanting and a joint that you always rolled for sleepless nights like these. leaving your room, you were startled to see rey sitting once again at the counter top with some type of food. it was too dark to see what it was, but definitely knowing the smell was from the diner. 

"can't sleep hun?" she said as she chewed on her food. you could sense the tiredness in her voice. you didn't know how she did it. working night shifts so effortlessly, getting hit on by truckers left, right and centre when knowing for well all she wanted was some pussy and her bed. 

"not a wink. i was gonna go smoke if you wanted?" you oddly wanted a companion. smoking with rey was better than smoking alone. maybe because you'd been sneaking out to roll joints since you were young with her in california. you felt safe with her, you'd had a few bad times before, but she wasn't the type of person to make you freak out even more. she looked after you in a way no-one ever could. always grabbing you water when your mouth was constantly dry, a bucket usually, and some form of munchie. your recent favourite was the combination of chips and some form of melted cheese? you knew your waistline would regret it in the morning but you couldn't help yourself because it tasted so fucking good. 

"don't have to ask me twice" she quickly jumped off her stool and walked towards you. opening your arm so she could come under the blanket with you, you both headed to the fire escape. while rey was lifting the window, you lit the joint. following her out, you both resumed the position of snuggling under the blanket. passing it between you both, you smoked in silence. taking in the city lights, the drowning noise and twinkle of what you thought were stars but could have possibly been a plane or two. 

"what's with the lack of sleep then? bad dreams again? or something else?" rey knew you better than anyone else. bad dreams had been filling your mind since you were a child. the same constant dreams leaving you sweating, crying and shivering. you could never remember the actual events of them, but the feeling of isolation and emptiness was always left lingering over you. most nights when these would terrorise your sleep, rey would always come in and guide you back to normalcy, helping you with your breathing, playing with your hair to calm you down, she'd sleep with you till morning. just to make sure you were safe.