messy sketchbooks

morning revelations

your eyes hazily, were murmured from what felt like an eternal slumber through the gently nudging of the rising sun. hitting your exposed shoulders, reaching up slowly past your chin, lips and settling on the surface of your forehead. your eyes were being cocooned in a warmth before being pulled open from the instant burning sensation and flashes of red that the sun had gifted. blinking tirelessly, you saw it.

your new view.

the skyline, the awakening new day, the endless rays of sun mirroring, flickering and reflecting off the walls, surrounding and encapsulating you in what felt like your own private bedroom disco. it was your favourite time of the day. dawn. you felt most at peace with the arousing orb welcoming another morning. rubbing your fingers over your eyelids to wipe clean the haze of sleep and blur of dreams, you moved onto your back where your eyes glided to take in the ceiling. two strips of sunlight danced and intertwined with each other, running over the detailed plastering, as if they were aimlessly twirling through the barricades, and eventually at the end, becoming one bigger ray of light. the yellowy undertones forming into a vibrant splash of temporary colour along the edges that connected walls and ceilings together.

out of the corner of your eye, you sensed him. your ears almost twitching before your irises could depict, gentle but low sighs of sleep escaping past his slightly ajar lips, and the upkeep of his ribs that were moving slowly up and down with each breathe. you took in his sounds before turning to view. he was exhausted. almost snoring, it reminded you of rey. the way her bountiful snores would echo and boom throughout the apartment walls, depriving you of any afternoon naps that you planned. it made you internally chuckle wether you had traded sharing an apartment with a snorer for a secret snorer.

-

rey.

she came to visit you the day of your discharge. not speaking much, but handing you some bluebells and a latte, you sat with each other in silence. you were both past the point of speaking with actual words. calmly accepting the past, not to be forgotten but to be learnt from. rose was already a temporary house guest and with the accident, she moved in permanently while rey took care of her. baking goods by herself now and watching reruns of the bachelor when rose felt like a change of scenery from the bedroom to the couch. you both could tell that you felt too strongly about one another to deprive each other of a love that was extending its hand out towards you. sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, you placed your forehead against hers, and took a deep breathe.

"rey, i-i'm truly sorry i-"

"hey, we're both okay. i mean rose is driving me insane with the reality tv but it makes her happy"

you gave out a slight chuckle, your caffeinated breathe bouncing from her skin back through your nostrils with a roasted warmth.

"so, kylo?"

"he asked me to move in with him and i, i think i'm going to say yes"

her forehead broke away from yours, the coldness of the departing imprint was starting to expand into your facial expression. eyebrows began to burrow, eyes jerk with an influx of ready tears and your lips dropping in the corners into a frown. you weren't sad because you thought you upset her, you were sad because you didn't want to leave her. she had been the mother, sister and best friend since your feet walked its first steps, lips had its first kiss and hands found its first sketchbook. she was the constant light and drive, she was the relaxation after an achy week, the relief and drunkard your smiles where in debt to. she was responsible for who you had become. sure you weren't closing the book, just beginning a new chapter. but this gigantic step felt like you were throwing the whole novel into a fire and watching the flames crumple and curl the pages until they were ash.