messy sketchbooks

business or pleasure ?

you couldn't stop reminiscing about your lunch date with kylo. the way his hand slotted between your thigh as you sat in comfortable silence surrounded by the intimate smell of smoke. taking deep breaths as the downtown traffic became the backing music to your pause in day. the gentle breeze blowing wisps of your hair across your face, just tickling your nose in a subtle recognition. the way your temple slowly moved up and down above the pillow of his shoulder that was breathing in heavily with each grasp to air. you bit your lip at the sudden normalcy he showed you.

"daydreaming are we?"

poe's voice sprung you back to reality. it was obvious that you were, pen lid in your mouth, basically destroyed under your canines. the glazed look of your eyes and the way your legs crossed over each other while you stared longingly into an abyss of memories.

"oh, uh sorry"

"no worries doll! it's closing time, a few of us are going to grab a late night coffee as HR needs us to pull an all nighter for this winter range. did you want in?"

fuck.

this was your shot.

to finally put forward some of your sketches that you'd spent most of your free hours in the office doodling away at. this was your moment to show them how much you wanted this, how you hoped they'd offer you a full time position after graduation. imagine, this could be your day to day job, for life.

but you couldn't.

hux called you earlier on in the morning to inform you that you were needed at the cherry plaza tonight. rose was feeling under the weather and you were his second choice. you had already used up your sick days, and when the tone of hux's voice was ricocheted back into your eardrums through the speaker, you knew declining what wasn't an offer to work, would surely get you fired.

"oh, darn! i can't unfortunately, my - my parents are in town, wanted me to show them round the city!"

of course you had to lie. telling your boss 'oh sorry i can't join you on my fucking dream assignment because my bare ass will be dancing and teasing truckers all night long for tips' wasn't going to go down too well.

"aw well how cute ! hope they enjoy the lights! , maybe next time?"

your heart sunk as he walked away from your cubicle, you were the last here. as always, looking around into the surrounding darkness, you felt that familiar cold feeling of becoming temporary. that come next year your hb pencils won't be sprawled across this desk, your cold brew coffee wont be leaving ring stains on files and polaroids of you and rey wont be decorated around your office wall. everything was temporary, even him.

switching off the light and getting into the lift, you couldn't help but let out a few small sniffles. everything felt like it was going to fast, too soon. before you knew it you could be working part time shifts with rey at the diner, working nights and even afternoon shifts at the plaza, just to pay off your racking student debt because you weren't special enough for them to keep you on. you wouldn't see his face everyday, no more lustful touches while measuring his broad shoulders for suits and alterations, no more confidence that lighted a spark in your gut. taking a deep breath as the ding of the elevator door brought you crashing back down to the present, you exhaled and stepped out into the lobby.

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you were running late. as always. hux was looking between his watch, his tapping foot and you by the time you frantically arrived. he looked extremely agitated tonight, which you wouldn't think anything of, if it was a busy friday/saturday night; but it wasn't. it was a typical weeknight. most of your customers were drunkards or businessmen who didn't stay long enough to arouse suspicion within their wives. what was he so angry about? or was it nervousness? you couldn't tell. your people skills had been tested with the numb and detached way kylo handled his own emotions. he made you see the world through a completely different lense now.