messy sketchbooks

collateral

TW: VIOLENCE, SAD SCENES

start of the chapter - "like real people do" by hozier 

end of the chapter - "doing the right thing" by daughter

when you agreed to work with kylo, you thought it'd be like the movies. full leather suits, gun holsters, winged eyeliner that could cut someone, but oh you were wrong. your only task was to keep lookout. and by keep lookout he meant, do as many shifts at the plaza as possible in case hux came back for a small visit, and if he did, you had to call him. you couldn't help but be angry at kylo. you got him the contacts, risked your only stable job, and when he asked you to join him, gave you the scraps. you wanted to be out there with him, questioning all those people in the notebooks. by his side, looking in on how he works, thinks and acts. 

there had been a shift in his mood lately, maybe because you knew his real whereabouts, he was sort of more open? it felt nice. 

it was your lunch break at jakku & tattoine and you were going to go grab a coffee due to a deadline that needed to be met by the end of the day. poe already gave you an extension, and even though he was in love and happy, he still was strict with his work. getting in the elevator, you hummed a tune as it went down to the ground floor. you were startled to see kylo when those metal doors were no longer collided together. 

"oh- hi" 

"hey, i was just going to come up and take you for lunch" 

"really? i have a deadline to-"

"we can be quick" 

he seemed different this time. almost the opposite of himself; practically like he was begging for you to accept his offer of lunch. his eyes were droopy, and glazed over. tired. he looked tired. small curls of his hair fell over his face, and he wore a casual hoodie and jeans. you were surprised to see him this way. it was usually you that was the unkept one. however, today you were dressed in all black. a long sleeved black dress covered your curves and stopped at your upper thigh, with a pair of tights and army boots to suffice. you also took one of his suit  jackets to wear over your shoulders to keep you warm in the autumnal breeze. he didn't mind you rummaging around in his closet for things, in a way you thought it made him happy seeing you in his clothes. even if they were far too big for you. 

he held his hand out for you to take, and you gladly accepted it. your hands were freezing due to the lack of heating of where your desk was positioned in the office, so when your fingers intertwined with his, they warmed them to the brim along with your entire body. you felt safe in his grip, once before he made you nervous and anxious about his movements, but now they exhilarated you, the surprises fuelled your days and nights. endless thoughts rummaged in your head, where was he taking you? another private booth surrounded by businessmen? it startled you that you both were walking in the direction of central park. 

"are you taking me to central park?" 

"well you said we had to be quick, will a bagel and walk in the park suffice?" 

a smile started to form on your face, scrunching your cheeks with adoration. you liked this version of him, the simplistic and spontaneous him. you didn't need the fancy dinners, and the dresses (even though they didn't hurt once in a while). a sense of normalcy was all you needed to fuel your positivity surrounding him. you still hadn't had a talk about what was exactly going on between you two, but you were happy in the moment. a small piece of you was scared that if you had that discussion it would be the last time you'd see his face, hear his voice and feel his touch. you pushed the inevitable deep down, and took in the warm colours of autumn that were splashed over the trees and falling leaves.