messy sketchbooks

check mate

a typical day with kylo was what you expected it it to be. 

early rises left his side of the bed feeling cold and empty, the minute the sudden imprint of his body began to disappear from the sheets, was your wake up call to get up and try and be productive, even though you were now recently, very unemployed. the plaza had to close due to hux's temper tantrum, leaving rose jobless, and the hiatus from the press drove away regular customers who probably hadn't told their wives at home about their private shows on weekday evenings. jakku and tatooine sent a fruit basket as an apology, which you picked at, only really craving the pineapple and strawberries, it now lay limp in separate containers in the fridge for whenever next you felt peckish. 

kylo wasn't home a lot and when he was he was shut up in his office yelling down the phone at some inconsiderate asshole. he got a key cut but you promised to not leave the apartment without him, you didn't want to break down in front of him so soon after your little confession in the hospital, but the truth was you were terrified of the outside world. now that you had seen how it could hurt you, you only felt safe within the walls of his apartment. when you were left alone his words still pierced through your ears 'an eye for an eye ren'. it was the only thing rotating and bouncing around in your head. 

you tried to preoccupy your days with as much as you could. the first day you decided to snoop around a little bit, kylo was out of town for the day and was coming home late so you decided to take a peak in his office. boring. no dirt whatsoever. no personal photos on the desk, only three black metallic pens with red lids were lined up on the desk, next to a clean fresh notepad. seemed to clean cut for your liking, as you were snooping around his draws your elbow collided with the pad and knocked it off the desk. splattering the fresh lined pages onto the marbled floor, a yellow sticky notes corner caught your eye. prising it through the wedges of paper, his scruffy writing read. 

15th December - DON'T FORGET - cherry 

your birthday. 

you let out a small overwhelming giggle. the only piece of information stuck within the notepad was your birthday. you knew that he cared for you and wanted you around but somehow the small scribbles of a day you hated so much, made you smile with such content that someone was pleased it took place. your mind started to wander about what he could possibly get you, most of your interactions had been either high on some drug, between the sheets or small intimate dinners. lingerie, some weed brownies and fresh pasta surely wouldn't go a miss. 

you placed the notepad back onto the desk, placing it precisely where it was left, you eyed the couch and neatly thrown blanket that was over the arm. you had placed it there, when moving in, you didn't realise how many blankets you owned. two were decorated accordingly on the bed, one over the arm of the living room couch and you had embarrassingly placed your favourite one in the office so that one day you could take a nap in the same room to which he was working, falling asleep to his hushed tones voicing concerns on the phone or his fingers typing down harshly on his keyboard. 

walking barefoot over, all you could hear was the tapping of your soles colliding with the black marble. you didn't realise how loud your thoughts would be while he was gone, succumbing you to an over wash of paranoia and guilt. the thoughts mixed with the searing pain every now and again made you fucking exhausted. settling down onto the raven black velveteen couch, your body felt so small surrounding the excess of material that you swore could sleep three. pulling the teddy bear fleeced blanket around your entire body, tucking it in around your sides to trap in the warmth, your last blurry eyes focusing down onto the lilac beacon of warmth that was being engulfed by an empty work space.