messy sketchbooks

nightmarish rewards

hi hi ! its amelia ! just popping on before to say thank you so much for all the love and support this story has received so far! it means so much ! i hope you enjoy this chapter as much as i did while writing, i have to say... this is probably my favourite chapter so far !

x x 

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the cold water hit your face with a startling awakening. you were still cleaning yourself up in his master bathroom. come still dripping down your thighs. mascara well and truly demolished, and the curls in your hair were no longer in tact. you kept going over the nights events, your mind always fast-forwarding to see his feet walk out of the room, leaving you empty and alone after your first time. the duality in the way he treated you was making you even more confused about your feelings toward him. the one kylo you knew made you dinner and let you rest on his lap after a sleepless night thinking solely about him. while the other was aggressive and inconsiderate, making you fuck his fingers in your place of work and leaving you in pain after destroying your pussy. conflict. all you felt was conflict and you knew it couldn't be resolved over a cup of coffee and a sweet danish.

drying your hands on the towel beside you and dabbing your wet face with the other end, you brushed your fingers through your hair and removed the stained mascara from under your water line. making sure you didn't look as if you'd just been crying in his bathroom for ten minutes straight, you walked out. with every step you winced in pure agony. you were pleased with your first time even though walking tomorrow felt out of the question. 

what girl could say she came twice during her first time? she'd be lucky if she even reached one. you chuckled as you waddled towards the door leading to the living room. before you could reach the handle, you sensed it move. you backed up, the handle moving downwards and his tall figure filled the door frame. your eyes slowly looked up at him, nervous as to what he was going to say or even do. to your surprise he walked straight past you, disappearing once more into his closet. you were starting to get agitated. he fucked you and now was acting as if you were some sort of ghost?! he came back out after a few seconds, holding a piece of dark fabric in his hands, he lifted it up for you to take. 

"i figured you didn't bring anything to sleep in so" he yawned as he offered you one of his leisurely t shirts. you gratefully accepted it, you giggled to yourself. you couldn't imagine him in anything other than fancy custom made suits. seeing him in sweats might just send your heart into cardiac arrest. 

"oh, you want me to stay? thank you" you were shocked that you'd be spending the night. dressing for dinner you thought he'd drive you home before giving you a goodbye kiss. boy did you get more than that goodnights kiss. 

stripping where you stood, seeing his eyes drink you in, you pulled the head hole over yours. his t shirt was practically a dress on you. hanging just below your knees, you felt like a child in oversized clothing. it was more comfortable than all your clothes combined and smelled like him. you never wanted to take it off. shuffling your feet to and fro, nervous for his next words you stood awkwardly. again, he didn't speak, only walking over to his bed and opening the covers, signalling with his hand for you to get in. you obeyed. 

"fuck so this is what a bed is supposed to feel like?" it was like falling onto a cloud. it beat your mattress on the floor in any round. your back relaxed with ease, not feeling as tense as usual, you wriggled around like a child getting comfortable. you couldn't help but let out a small sigh in satisfaction. the silk encompassing you into a state of pure bliss. you never wanted to leave. 

you could see him walk around to the other side, casually stripping just as you did. he was left in nothing but his underwear. your heart beat picked up, he was fighting with the covers but never sliding in next to you. your breath panting, you were about to sleep next to him. feel his body heat in a first non-sexual way. i wonder if he's a snorer? big spoon? little spoon? your mind was running around with impatience. your heart sunk. he picked up the blanket that was draped over the duvet cover. walking his way round to you again, he placed a kiss onto your forehead before stroking your cheek.