Selfish Desire [Sasuke Uchiha]

Chapter 45: Saudade

Saudade (n.): a nostalgic longing for something or someone that was loved and then lost, with the knowledge that it or they might never return; "the love that remains".

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The next day...

Third Person's P.O.V

The sun shone beamingly and the verdant color of the spring day under its glare was offensively bright and cheerful. It was as if they conspired to show a certain dark-haired archer how the world would go on without her late big sister. She believed it shouldn't be this bright. Everything should be as grey and foggy as her emotions. It should be cold and damp like the teardrops. But the birds still sang and the flowers still bloomed even if the person that meant the world to her was taken away.

They stood at the front of the funeral. Everyone's head was down. It was done to show the honorable heroes the respect they deserved and to hide their tears that dripped down to their cheeks. It was all black clothes and white waxy faces with the majority of them appearing with puffed red eyes.

For Ayuda Makino, what worsened this even more was Neji Hyuuga who was among one of those who died as unsung heroes. She had learned in the middle of the war that he sacrificed himself to save Naruto, and she even shed tears, but she was not given enough time to properly mourn until now. Their deaths crashed down on her like bricks as she waited for the service to begin.

She believed it should be illegal to have this morning be this bright. There were a lot of precious lives lost, including her loved ones. She adored Neji and she loved Reina. And now that both of them were gone, a light had been extinguished forever in the poor girl's heart. She stood frigidly, mentally drowning in her silent grief, and awaited the start of the funeral service.

The funeral took too long to start, although she knew it wasn't that long to be mad at but she was impatient. Plus, the waiting game caused her to recall many memories she had with Reina and Neji and that started the waterworks again. With a drop of tear rolling down her cheek, the service finally commenced with a grim ambiance.

All of the people Ayuda knew that partook in the war attended the ceremony, including Sasuke Uchiha. Apparently, he and Naruto Uzumaki lost their dominant arm which staggered the rest of them. She had to admit she did feel confounded but then she just walked away. She didn't wait to ask or see if they were alright. The grieving lady was too overwhelmed with too many negative emotions because of her sister's death that eventually turned her into this unconcerned comrade.

During the funeral, most of her friends tried to console her by giving her condolences, words of encouragement, sweet words, telling her that Reina and Neji regarded her with praises and spoke of wonderful things to them about her. They also attempted to hug her, pat her back, or put their hand on her shoulder. But none of their words or actions reached her. Not one of them could pull her out of this pool of despair. She was drowning in it too deep and she did not make any attempt to get out of it. She just... surrendered.

This reminded her of Gaara who was also trying to comfort her yesterday just before he and the rest of his Sand shinobis left to head back to his village after getting enough rest and sustenance in the Leaf Village. She could not remember anything he said because her ears were flooded with that same pool of melancholia. It's like every sound became gurgled and muffled. She merely nodded her head without looking back at him and then walked away.

The funeral ended solemnly and most of the attendees started to leave. She, her father, and mother, on the other hand, stayed unmoving. Ayuda's glassy yet lifeless eyes were glued on her sister's grave which became her last home. That headstone that had her full name carved on it... she looked so lonely there, Ayuda thought.