3 mouth later~
Yes y'all it's a bad bitch birthday in 3 day well 2 days like yessssss it I am officially in my koby year.
We have a flight to Orlando in the morning and we are just packing and stuff.
"Hello... Umm hey um- hold up." Bryan got up and walked out the room.
Bryan been very secretive these past two weeks. I am not gonna overreact. I don't wanna jump to conclusions but he is never this way with me like every since we got back together it. I just feel like maybe waiting til marriage was a push. This is a man that was used to having sex multiple times in a 12 hour span. It's hard for me as well but we talked about it and we feel as though when we get married we have to give ourselves to god and do right by him and he been in this whole spiritual journey. I respect that I always wanted to be a church going women. Him bringing it up just made it more possible like he wants to really do this for us and our kids. He said after we get married we move to OUR house. I love him so much and it finally feels like we are on the same. It seems like when 6 months hits we slowly drift apart. And this month is the sixth month and maybe I am paranoid but he is making me like this. He is giving me a damn reason to be this damn way. This is also the 6 month mark since I been living without papa and I try not to think about it I mean I don't even have time to think about it. With Bryan acting weird and Elijah literally making all my problems go away with a smiled.
"Okay bye." He hung up the phone and was smiling so hard and I instantly got scared and angry. I don't know how to explain the feeling but I was more fearful then angry but I had to cover it up with calmness.
"Who was that baby?"
"Becca."
I wish this motherfucka would cheat on me with this bitch again.
SOMEBODY GONE DIE
"She dropping up Rockstar." I nodded at him and his smile dropped.
"Okay."
"Baby what's wrong what did I do now? I am not even doing anything."
"I know I said okay I didn't even say it any type of way or anything I just said okay." I shrugged.
"Baby i know you and you are giving me a weird vibe."
"While stop acting fucking weird." I mumbled.
"Excuse me? Speak up. Say that shit like you mean it! What the fuck is the problem. You know I hate that mumbling shit I feel like you talking shit in my face." He voice got more stern and deep.
"I SAID!- well stop acting fucking weird like when you start answering the phone and walking out. Any other conversation you have it right in front of my face. Now just have to excuse yourself."
"I just told you I was fucking talking to Becca."
"Bryan! I swear on my dads grave- Si me estás engañando con esa perra, los mataré a ti y a ella!" I yelled.
* If you're cheating on me with that bitch, I'll kill you and her.*
"What the fuck are you saying?" He snapped.
* you are very stupid. Every 6 months you cheat and then you hope I don't notice the pattern. THEN you start behaving weird, like please don't do this to me again, you promised.*
"eres muy estúpida. Cada 6 meses haces trampa y luego esperas que no note el patrón. ENTONCES empiezas a comportarte raro, como por favor no me vuelvas a hacer esto, prometiste." I sighed and he stood there confused. "Don't fucking fuck around and get motherfuckers killed in this bitch."
"Aye aye calm all that tough shit down. Stop fucking playing with me. Don't play yourself. I am a grown ass man don't question me especially when I am doing shit to better me or you or US as a damn family. I am doing shit that needs to be done. Don't fucking play yourself. You need to pop a chill pill i don't know what the fuck you got going on but check yourself for I do it." He towered me.
"Get out my face." I pushed him and he grabbed my hand. "Let me go."
"No make me let you go." He stood still and showed no emotion.
"Get off of me!" I swung my other hand and he grabbed my other hand. "Get off!"
I am even more scared now to lose him for some reason and the fact that it feels like he is being distant and secretive just make me so angry and scared. He is the only other person I have besides my dad and I already lost my dad and I can't imagine loosing both of them and I don't want to honestly but if he does this i cant keep allowing this behavior. I have no one to talk to and it all so stressful. I have no one to vent to or turn to for advice I can't talk about Bryan to Bryan. I do have Chris bug I dong want to keep calling him in some sad or negative shit. So it's all stuck in my mind just circling around and around and I can't Help but over think.
"Stop calm down." He hugged me. "Babe I swear i aint doing no foul shit. I am pass that... way past that on another level and a new age. We here baby with are forever and always." I silently cried as he rubbed my back.
"Please bryan."
"Baby I got you how you got me. I know shit been hard for you since your pops pasted and I got you okay?"
I nodded my head and I felt myself just wanting to explode in tears.
My dad is really not here. This is real like I can't ever hear his voice again. I can't hug him and listen to his heartbeat and laughed about how fast it's going. He will never scream my name when he sees me. He will never pat my back when I burp and he will never treat my like his little girl again.
