What If It's Not?

Prologue

“Khal,”

Napatingin ako sa stage dahil narinig ko na binanggit ni Ady ang pangalan ni Khallie, ang pangalan ng taong pinagsisihan kong saktan. Nakatayo ako dito sa gilid ng stage habang pinagmamasdan silang dalawa.

Habang pinagmamasdan kung paano ni Ady pabalikin si Khallie sa buhay niya.

“This is me choosing to stay even you’re always running away, Khal.”Ady said to Khallie.

Seeing the both of them is like tearing my heart into a thousand pieces.

“I know that we are not perfect. I know that we hurt each other’s feelings before, and it may happen again, but this is me choosing to stay.”

I remember the day that I told Khallie that I will always love her, and it’s always her. It has always been her. I love her so much that I promised myself I would let her to be happy by choosing her happiness over mine, but not in this way.

“Ady…”

I hate it when she’s calling out Ady’s name, it hurts. It hurts like I’m stabbing a dozen of knife on my chest.

“I don’t care about her, Khal. I’m choosing you.”

I stayed even it hurts so bad. Her smile is my pain killer, but she’s also the reason why I’m in pain.

“Khallie Kate Fajardo, I just want you. I want your smiles. I want your sadness. I want your face against mine. I want your warmth, your hugs, and your kisses. I want your silence. I want to cook with you. I want to be that person you share your last bite with. I want your head resting on my shoulders. I want you today, tomorrow, and forever. After all this time, I still get excited to see you. I know that I told you these many times, but no can replace you in my heart, Khal.”

I can feel the pain showering over me like a pebbles falling onto my skin. This is not what I want. This is not the ending that I deserve.

“Let me fix what I broke, Khal. And I promise that I will never break your heart again.”

I want her to run with me. I want her to say no. I want her to refused Ady’s question. I want her to choose me. Sana kahit ngayon man lang, ako naman ang piliin niya.

“Ady…”

Please say no, Khallie. Please don’t run back to him.

“Don’t worry about Katherine, umalis na siya. Bumalik na siya sa California.”

Everything in my life hurts. I just want to numb the pain. I saved her from falling apart, but she let me drown.

“I’m so sorry for making you go through this pain. I love you so much, Khal. Do you still want me back in your life?"

Everyone was waiting for Khallie’s answer. I don’t wanna hear her voice, her answer. Whether it’s a yes or no. All I know is that her answer could break my heart, again.

“I’m always yours, Ady.”I’m right, her answer broke my heart.

I felt someone covered my ears from behind. So, I turned around and I saw a woman smiling at me.

“If loving her hurts more than it heals, let it go.”she said.

I don’t even know her. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinila ako palayo ng venue. Palayo kay Khallie.

I just let her to take me away.

“You were never born to suffer in love, Paulo.”she said and grinned.

“But what if it’s us?”

“What if it’s not, Pau?"