I woke up inside the hospital. Nakita ko agad si Pablo na natutulog sa gilid ko. Hawak niya rin ng mahigpit ang kamay ko. There's a lot of machines beside me and I feel so weak.
There’s a life system connected to me. Naaalala ko pa rin yung nangyari noon sa akin sa Singapore, ganitong-ganito. I squeezed Paulo’s hands and then he woke up. I gave him a smile while’s I'm watching him calling a doctor for me.
“Yvaine…”he mentioned my name while his eyes are full of tears.
I hate seeing him like this, crying. It hurts.
May dumating na mga nurses at doctor para icheck ako at ang kalagayan ko. Am I feeling better or my condition is getting worst? Paulo and my doctor are talking outside, gano’n na ba talaga kalala ang lagay ko?
I thought I still have two months? Pero bakit hindi ko p'wedeng marinig iyong kalagayan ko?
"Are you starving? Do you want to eat?”he faked a smile and sat beside me.
“Ano’ng sabi ng doctor, Pau?”it’s hard for me to speak, this atmosphere is making me weak.
Instead of giving me an answer he hugged me tight. “You’ll be alright, I promise…”
“Let’s not fool each other, Paulo… I know my condition is bad, I can feel it. I feel so weak.”I held his hands while his tears are kept on falling from his eyes. “I hate seeing you crying… Can you smile for me? Please, Pau?”
I faked a smile. I know that there’s something wrong but he chose not to say things to me. I hate his silence but I already accept the fact that we’re in the finish line. That we’re in the end of our love story.
“Lumaban ka pa para sa akin, please?”he said. “Hindi pa natin napupuntahan iyong favorite place mo.”
I smiled at him.
“Hold my hands and never let go, please?”his eyes are begging. I heard his voice full of care.
"Nasaan si Mommy?”I asked.
“Do you want me to call tita?”I smiled and nodded.
Lumabas siya at pumasok naman si Mommy, but this time hindi na niya kasunod si Paulo. Si kuya kasi ang kasama niya.
“Sorry, mommy…”I said. “Sorry kung iiwan na rin kita.”
“Walang aalis, Yve... Lumaban ka pa please?”I hate seeing mommy crying because of me. This is slowly killing me.
“That was just a cancer cell, you are stronger than that, remember?”she said and I gently nodded. “I never raised you to be a quitter. Please stay with us, Yve.”
“Mommy…”
“Yve, please? Huwag muna…”kuya kneeled beside me while holding my other hand.
“You can have my car na, kuya.”I chuckled.
Patuloy lang ang pagiling niya.
“I can’t have your car and in return we’ll lose you. Ayoko.”he replied.
“Be a great doctor for me, kuya, ha?”I said while I’m watching every tears falling from kuya’s eyes. “Can you do me a favor, kuya?”
He nodded.
“This time--- can you look after him for me?”I’m catching every breath while hiding the pain.
“Please?”he nodded.
“Can I talk to him?”I asked them. Niyakap ako ni mommy bago siya lumabas ng ICU.
Hindi nagtagal ay bumalik sa tabi ko si Paulo. He held my hands tight while I’m looking at him.
“Yvaine…”his voiced cracked like he didn’t want to speak up. “I talked to the doctor…”
He bow down his head maybe because I can’t handle seeing him like that. “The best way we can do right now it to cherish every seconds of your life... However, you can still undergo surgery pero hindi sigurado kung masusurvive mo…”
"I’m gonna lose you and I hate it... I hate that I didn’t try to save you. I hate the fact that I’m gonna lose the girl who stayed at my worst…”
Why did destiny let us fall in love when we are meant to be apart?
I lift his face while tears are both falling from our eyes.
“Hindi ko na kaya, Pau…”
“Huwag muna, Yvaine.”he held my hand tight, but I barely feel it anymore.
I felt my body was about to give up, slowly, gently, it’s killing me.
“Sabi mo 'di ba ayaw mo akong iwan na mag-isa? Sabi mo sa akin 'di ba na ayaw mo akong nasasaktan? Please, Yvaine. Huwag mo muna akong iwan kasi hindi ko pa talaga kaya.”dugtong pa niya.
I faked a smile, catching my breath.
“I love you, Paulo.”sabi ko sa kanya kahit nahihirapan na akong magsalita, kahit nahihirapan na akong lumaban.
“Lumaban ka para sa akin, Yvaine... Para sa amin...”he said as those tears are continuing falling from his eyes. “I love you too, but please hold on?”
I’m still fighting. I’m still holding on to my strength. I’m still holding on to the reason why I still want to live, but I guess destiny doesn’t want me to end up with him.
“You don’t deserve the star, Paulo. You deserve the moon or maybe the galaxy... Or you deserve both.”
“Yvaine…”
“Naaalala mo ba kapag tinatanong mo yung my favorite place ko?”I asked him while catching my breath.
“Beside you, Paulo...”I said. “Beside you is my favorite place.”
I saw him crying a river for me. My heart hurts like it’s tearing it apart.
“In another lifetime, Pau… In another lifetime, you and I will be together and no one can pull us apart.”he hugged me while I can feel his tears falling. “I love you, Pau. You are the best husband because you stay beside me until the end... I didn’t regret that I marry you because that was the best day of my life.”
“I love you too, Yvaine… I will always love you…”
I guess that I already fulfill my promises and wedding vow to Paulo that I will love him until my last breath and last heartbeat.
“Can I rest now, Pau?”I asked him.
He looked at me and kissed me on my forehead.
“Are you ready to let me go?”
Umiling siya habang patuloy ang pagtulo ng luha sa mga mata niya na parang hindi na yata magiging masaya so Paulo kapag iniwan ko siya.
“Are you ready to lose me?”and I saw Paulo took a breath as he held my hands tight.
Paulo whispered. “Pahinga ka na…”
BINABASA MO ANG
What If It's Not?
General Fiction(What If Series #2) Yvaine Dominique Fontanilla, have ever loved someone so much that it seemed like she couldn't live a life without his ex-boyfriend, Kale Elijah Madrona. And for Paulo Nicolaj Medina, being with someone for a long time is comforta...
