What If It's Not?

Kabanata 27

No classes for today, seriously?
I sighed and go back to our classroom.

“What are your plans for today?”

“I don’t know, Pau…”hindi ko alam kung bakit parang pagod na pagod  ako ngayong araw kahit kakapasok ko lang.

“Free cut, gusto mo pumunta ng museum?”

I grabbed my bag and smiled at him. “Tara,”

Sabay kaming naglakad ni Paulo papunta sa sasakyan niya. Hindi ko kasi dala iyong sasakyan ko kasi sinundo niya ako. Hindi rin kasi pumasok ngayon si Yssa kasi masama ang pakiramdam niya.

Wala rin sa akin ang sasakyan ko kasi ginagamit na naman ng magaling ko na kuya.

“You haven’t told me what’s your favorite place, Yvaine...”

I looked at him while grinning. “I won’t tell you,”

“Wala bang clue?”he asked again.

“That place really makes me happy and I wanna trade my whole life just to stay there forever...”I replied.

Paulo and I went to a museum in Manila, lahat na yata ng museum ay pinuntahan naming dalawa. And this day with Paulo is the best day of my life, I just wish that could just stop the clock so I could stay beside him.

But the thing is, I couldn’t. Kaya habang nandito pa ineenjoy ko muna kasi hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ba ito.

Meron akong nakita na bilihan ng fishball sa gilid kaya doon ako dumiretcho paglabas ng museum, ang tagal na rin kasi mula noong kumain ako ng ganito.

“Kumakain ka ng ganito?”I asked Paulo, pero nakatingin lang siya sa akin.

“Anak mayaman din ako, pero hindi ako maarte!”sabi ko sa kanya habang tumutusok ako ng fishball sa stick.

“Subukan mo,”binigyan ko siya ng stick at saka ako ngumiti. “Masarap yan!”

At napilit ko rin si Paulo na kumain ng street foods. Hindi lang fishball ang kinain namin kung ‘di pati ihaw, nakakatuwa isipin na sa buong buhay daw ni Paulo ay ngayon lang siya nakakain dito.

“Ano okay ba?”I asked him.

“It was good,”he answered. I smiled, but not looking at him.

“Are you happy?”I asked and looked at him.

“Palagi naman akong masaya kapag ikaw ang kasama ko,”

I don't want him to be my right person, but wrong time.

“Iyong kinain natin, is it safe?”natawa na lang ako sa sinabi niya.

“Alam mo ang arte mo, Paulo!"I said while laughing.

He smirked.

“Matagal na ako kumakain ng ganyan, buhay pa rin ako!"I chuckled.

“Really?”he asked again, I nodded.

Favorite ko kaya ang mga streetfoods. Ganito nga ang hinanap ko noong binisita ko si mommy sa New York e.

“Doktor naman iyong tatay mo, hindi ka papabayaan mamatay no’n.”I laughed. Makikita mo pa rin sa mukha ni Paulo ang pagaalala. Napaka-arteng bata.

“I was just kidding,”I gave him an eyeroll. “Safe iyon, huwag ka na magalala...”

“Tara punta tayo sa Cathedral,”tumayo ako at hinila siya papunta sa loob ng Manila Cathedral.

“Do you pray?”I asked Paulo when we entered the Cathedral.

“Sometimes,"

Bgumiti ako sa kanya at tahimik na nagdasal.

Lord, can I ask for more months so I could spend more time with this guy? He is the reason why I am still fighting... I am in love with him, pero natatakot ako na maiwan at masaktan siya ulit. Pero kung hindi na po talaga, okay lang. I’ll make each day special when I’m with him. I’ll make each day special so I could leave a memorable memories that he can cherish forever.

“What are you praying for?”I asked him because I also saw him kneeling and praying.

“Bakit mo ako dinala dito?”tanong niya sa akin at umupo sa tabi ko.

“Ngayon ka lang ba pumasok dito?”tumango siya.

“Sabi nila, kapag daw first time mo pumasok sa isang simbahan kailangan mo magwish.”I said but he arched his brow. “Totoo iyon, Pau!”

He took a deep breathe and gently closed his eyes.

“Anong wish mo?”tanong ko sa kanya noong binuksan na niya iyong mata niya.

“Secret,"

“Anong pinagdasal mo, Yvaine?”binalik niya sa akin ang tanong. “I guess that prayer is important for you... because I saw you cry.”

I took a deep breath. “Alam mo kung anong pinagdasal ko?”

He held my hands. “Tell me what’s wrong?”

I wiped my tears and faked a smile.

“Sana makasama kita ng matagal,”I am holding back my tears while he’s smiling at me.

“Stop being so pessimist.”hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa kamay niya. Kung kaya ko lang sabihin sa kanya ang narararamdaman ko ginawa ko na.

Umiling ako.

“Paulo----”

Hindi ko pa kayang sabihin sa kanya.

“Yvaine…”he cupped my face and wipe my tears.

I’m sorry, Paulo.

I hugged him tight like I don’t want to let him go…

“What’s wrong?”he whispered.

I wiped my tears and smiled. “Masaya lang ako kasi nandito ka--- kasama ko…”

He exhaled deeply. “Akala ko naman kung ano,”

“Ikaw? Anong pinagdasal mo?”

Ngumiti muna siya bago niya sinagot ang tanong ko. “Sana tuparin niya iyong dinasal mo,”

I smiled at him while tears are kept on flowing. This is not good for me, but he really make me feel special. I never felt this way before. Should I say that I am blessed to have him?

“Let’s eat? I know that your starving,”he gave me a huge smile.

“I love you, Pau.”napatigil siya sa paglalakad, sakto naman na nasa aisle kaming dalawa.

“Yvaine…”he held my hands.

“I promise that I will stay by your side, no matter what happen.”he said.

And another tears fell from my eyes.

“Nagpromise ako sa harap niya. So, I need to keep that promise, right?"

Bakit niya ako binigyan ng lalaking katulad ni Paulo? Bakit niya kailangan dumating sa buhay ko kung kailan gusto ko nang sumuko? Is this a sign for me to keep holding on? Does God sent Paulo to be my strength?

But what if it’s not? Paano kung nakilala niya lang pala ako para masaktan ko siya?

“I love you, Pau. Can you promise not to leave me?”he wiped those tears and kissed me on my forehead.

“I won’t leave you, Yvaine. I don’t wanna wake up another day without you in my life. I can’t live with you, don’t you worry.”he said and then he hugged me tight.

Having him in my life feels like a dream that I never thought would happen. But the thing is, I’m starting to write our love story, but the ink is also starting to fade.

“You are my favorite star,”he whispered.