Josie's POV The Jordan Residence April 26th, 2012 10:02 AM
"Hey, how you holding up?" Jeremy asked, sitting down next to me on the couch.
"As well as I can be, I guess. What about you?"
"I'm more worried that my outgoing, insanely talkative little sister has barely said a word in two days than I am about my well-being." he replied, moving my chin so I'd be forced to look at him.
"Seriously. I'm okay."
"Then why did Ben ask me why you were avoiding him?"
"What?"
"He's worried about you kid. And frankly, so am I. You're not yourself. Jos, seriously, talk to us. Don't close yourself off again." Jeremy said, hugging me tightly. "I'm worried about you."
"We all are." Joey said from behind me. He sat down on the other side of me, and Jess sat down in the floor.
"Seriously Jos, it's scary when you do this." she said, patting my knee.
"I guess it just doesn't seem real. It's like I'm going to go over there and just smell cookies, and hear Nana talking to me." I buried my face in my hands, trying to keep myself from crying. "I miss her already, and I'm internalizing it, I guess."
"We all miss her, but that's why we're here. And when I say we, I mean all three of us, Ben, Mom, Dad, and everyone else who cares about you. Even MaKray is coming over later! Every single one of us are here for you Jos. And we love you. So much."
"I just don't like talking about my feelings. Or being vulnerable in the slightest." I replied, looking at my siblings concerned faces. All of them had a worried, yet loving look, and I could tell I was seriously scaring them. I wasn't trying to, of course. Nor was I trying to make Ben think I was avoiding him. "It's just, when something like this happens, I feel like I need to shut myself off from the world until it goes away. It's pretty childish, I know, but it's how I cope with things."
"Well hopefully Mom's 'assignment' will help you start opening up." Joey said, starting to stand up.
"Mom's assignment?"
"She wants the four of us to go through a bunch of pictures of us and Nana for the funeral."
"Oh."
A Few Hours Later
"Hey, we need to talk." I said, sitting down next to Ben on my bed.
"Yeah. We do."
"Jeez, okay, no need to be so harsh. Anyways-"
"Harsh? I'm the one being harsh?" he spat, turning away from me.
"I'm trying to apologize, Ben! Will you let me speak?" I was met with silence. "I guess that's a yes. As I was saying, I wanted to say sorry for being so distant lately. It's how I deal with this kind of stuff. I internalize it. And sometimes, I cut people off and push them away. It's just my nature. And I'm trying to work on it, seriously. But I didn't realize I was doing it until Jeremy said something. I wish you would've told me, I feel so bad." I rambled. I really was sorry. But he didn't say anything until about five minutes later.
"I get that, but I came down here to help you and you're cutting me off. I don't think that's fair."
"I just explained to you that I can't help that! Did you even listen to a word I said?" I asked, my voice raising slightly.
"I just want to help you!"
"And I'm telling you that I'm trying to let you, but it's hard! You think you know me so well, but there's a lot left to learn." I said, taking a deep breath and trying not to yell.
"Then why am I here?"
"What?"
"If I don't know you, then why the fuck am I standing here?" He grabbed his duffle bag from under the bed, starting to put his clothes in it. "Fuck, if I don't know you then why are we even together?"
"Ben, stop. Don't do this." I warned, tears in my eyes.
"If I don't know you then why did you say you loved me? Josie, I can't be with you right now. I need some time to think. About us." His voice was hardly above a whisper as he stormed out of the room and out to the curb. I saw him sit down until an unfamiliar car pulled up, more than likely an uber. As I saw the car drive away, I broke down, sobbing loudly and falling into my floor.. Of course I had to fuck this up too. Why the hell did I even open my mouth?
"Josie? Are you okay?" Joey asked, sticking his head in my room as he passed. I shook my head quickly and he ran over to me. "What happened? Where's Ben?"
"H-he left." I choked out.
"What do you mean he left?"
"We got in a fight and he just...left. I don't even know if we're still together."
"Did he say if he was breaking up with you?"
"No. He said he couldn't be with me right now and that he needed time to think about us." The tears started pouring again as I tucked myself under the comforter of my bed, smelling Ben's cologne on the sheets. "I don't want to live without him. It was going so well, and then..."
"Well, I would love to be able to give you some great advice, but I'm afraid I don't know much about being a girl going through a breakup kind of thing. I can get Jess and Ashley if you want?"
"That would be great, actually."
"Okay. I love you." He stood up and walked out of the room. "Jeremy! We've got some ass to kick!"
I know, I'm mean. I promise I love you guys though.
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Something To Believe In
Fanfiction"I don't think you realize how risky this is. We could get into so much trouble." "I don't think you realize how much I don't care." ...
