It comes and goes

forty-five

Camila's POV

In less than a year Mr. Mendes went from being my college professor, to my mentor, to Manny, to the father of my boyfriend, to the grandfather of my child. It had been crazy, but no one had it rougher than him. Even when he was weak, in pain and moody, he always managed to share a smile with me. I had a void feeling in my heart now that I couldn't hear his voice or his laugh and since he left us, I had cried every single day.

The crying was soft and quiet, I didn't want to disturb anyone, specially his closest family. My mom was with me every day making sure me and my baby were ok. Shawn was too busy working on the funeral and getting paperwork ready. Manny wanted to be cremated and return to his hometown in Toronto.

There was a reception at his house once everything was taken care of and before Karen, Aaliyah and more relatives came to say goodbye and take him with them. The house was full with people that appreciated and admired Manny, family, friends, faculty members, students, administrative staff, neighbors, everyone.

Karen was the first to say some words. She introduced herself and thanked all the people that had gathered there. She didn't know much of his personal life here so she was happy to see the impact Manny had on others' lives. She thanked him for the father he was, always responsible, caring and loving. She thanked him for the their first years together, some of the best she had had. And she thanked Gina too, for bringing back that infatuated look on his eyes.

The Dean also used his words to talk about what a great professional Manny was, how his students were always excited to participate in his class and how sad everyone was when he had to take a step aside because of his illness. He assured his family Manny had been a great contribution the their college and that his presence would be much missed.

Shawn tried to speak and he did good for the better half, but then his voice cracked. He said sorry and left. He managed to say he loved him endlessly, even when he was an ass that didn't want to take his medicine. People laughed a bit, and then went quiet when he drowned in emotions and had to walk away.

I gave him time and space before going after him, I knew that's what I needed when uncle Mark died. I hated having people on my face while I cried telling me that everything was going to be ok. I knew maybe everything was going to be ok, but in that moment I just wanted to mourn him and feel however I was supposed to feel.

The days passed and Shawn slept tightly wrapped around me, even when it was summer and the nights were hot. Even when my belly made it extremely uncomfortable for me to lay in bed every now and then. But he would go into the office room I had the apartment that no one used and not go out unless it was for food, the bathroom or a beer.

Years of social studies taught me that men needed that alone time to deal with their feelings. They needed to retrieve from civilization and act like cave people before going back to using their full mental and emotional capacities. Therefore, I didn't bothered him for a few days.

But when he wasn't wrapped around me at night and I saw the lights on in the living room at 3 am I decided it was time to say something.

"Shawn", I called him.

He was laying on the couch, his forearm over his eyes and a beer on his other hand. He looked reckless and devastated. He had been like that since Manny passed away, about two weeks ago.

He groaned but didn't say anything. I took the bottle from his hand and I put next to other bunch that were laying around, all empty.

"Baby", I called him.

"No", he murmured when I tried to move his arm.

"Shawn, let's go to bed", I said.

"Leave me here, I don't care".