It comes and goes

forty-nine

Camila's POV

I woke up at dawn, suddenly worry that I hadn't woken up before. I had slept for two hours without disturbance, how was that possible? I turned around and noticed I was alone in bed. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and put on a sweater before heading to the place my men were possibly at.

It was a cold December night but the Christmas spirit was my favorite and it made me feel a bit warmer inside. Shawn and I had put up the tree in our apartment, more for our own amusement than Alex's. He started paying attention to some objects and follow them with his eyes, but not for too long. He was the cutest 2 months old baby and I was completely in love with him. I loved being his mom, as exhausting as it was.

I opened my son's bedroom door and found him curled on his dad's chest, covered by a fluffy blanket. Shawn had a Santa's hat on his head and was caressing Alex's back with soft brushed on his hand. Hid eyed were closed but I knew he had sensed me there.

"He fell asleep right away but I couldn't leave", he told me laughing at himself.

He made my heart melt. He was obsessed with our son and I couldn't blame him.

I walked to him and put a hand on Shawn's shoulder and the other on Alex's cheek. He had rounded, chubby cheeks but I was waiting for him to get even chubbier. The pediatrician had told me he was going to gain more weight and I was ready, I loved chubby babies, they were so cute.

"He has you wrapped around his finger", I said.

"Yeah", Shawn whispered in total agreement.

"I didn't hear him cry".

"You were sound asleep and I was awake so I checked on him immediately. He has been sleeping more now, hasn't he?", Shawn looked up at me with relieved eyes.

"Finally", I said with a smile.

"It was about time, buddy", he spoke to Alex.

"What's with the hat?", I asked Shawn.

"Oh, he seems to like it. I swear I saw him smile when I put it on".

"Smile, huh?"

"I know it's not a real smile", he shrugged. "It's just a reflex, but still, he looks cute and he likes the hat".

"He likes everything you do", I told him.

"Yeah, but he's obsessed with you. He wanted me to breastfeed him", he said.

"He just wants me for my tits", I joked.

"Well, he's not the only one", Shawn teased and I blushed like I hadn't in a while. I didn't like how felt so self conscious about him making comments on my body now, I used to like it.

I didn't say a word and Shawn stood up to put him back on his crib carefully. He then turned around and put his arm around my shoulders to walk back to our room. I appreciated how he tried to keep in touch with me, but keeping his hands away from some places that were off limits. I hadn't talked about this explicitly with him, but he had caught up on my boundaries on his own, and for that I was so grateful.

Back in the room, I turned around to get rid of the sweater and climbed into bed as soon as I could. There was something wrong, or there was something normal, I didn't actually know, but I couldn't let him see me or touch me like before. It killed me that I was acting like that with him, but the messy and exhausting feelings I was struggling with inside my head were killing me more.

"Can I kiss you goodnight?", he asked me when he got in bed next to me.

I looked at him and saw his pleading, confused eyes. He was being so patient and gentle with me, I couldn't complain about that.