It comes and goes

forthy-four

Shawn's POV

I held my hands together with my elbows resting on my knees, my head bent down. I was alone because I insisted Camila needed to go back home and rest. It was hard because she's stubborn. I had to ask Mandy for her help and she almost dragged my wife out of the hospital. I wanted her here but her and the baby being healthy was way more important.

Gina came in and sat by my side minutes later. It wasn't like we didn't have anything to talk about now, we just didn't want to do it. It was stressing and exhausting being on this situation but with every second that passed and we didn't hear anything from my dad, my heart became numb.

I wanted this to end but I didn't know what I meant by that. I just wanted the pain to go away.

I had called my family back in Toronto to tell them what it had happened and when they asked me if they should take a plane to come here I didn't know what to say. I didn't know anything later. I said I had to ask the doctors, but the doctors weren't around. I had no one with answers.

"Do you want coffee?", Gina stood up and asked me.

My stomach grumbled because I hadn't eaten anything but coffee didn't sound appealing. I also hadn't a toothbrush with me and Camila wouldn't let me kiss her if I had the taste of coffee on my mouth.

"No, thanks", I said.

She walked away to the vending machine and I went back to staring at the cold floor under my feet.

Why was I thinking about kissing Camila in the middle of this? I laughed softly and smiled for the first time in hours. I pictured her face in my head, the disgusted yet funny expression she made every time I just smelled like coffee. I had made the effort to not drinking it at home or brush my teeth right after it if I had it somewhere else, so she wouldn't complain but more than once she had caught me. She got so annoyed, like it was some kind of betrayal and when I laughed that just made it worse but I couldn't help it. She was so cute.

Thinking about her soothed some of my stiff muscles and helped me breathe again.

"Waiting on news?", an elderly woman asked me. She was some seats away, knitting and humming cheerfully.

"Yeah", I sighed.

"I hope they're good news", she smiled. "I'm waiting to meet my great grandchild".

"Wow", I said. "Well... congrats".

"Thank you. She came earlier than expected, I hadn't even finished these", she show me some knitted pink boots, or what looked like boots.

"Is she ok?"

"I think so. I'm still waiting to see them. My son was supposed to pick me up and bring me here but I couldn't wait and came on my own. Now I have to wait again because I don't know where they are and this hospital is huge".

I smiled at her. She looked like the perfect personification of sunshine and her bubbly personality reminded me of someone as well.

"My wife is pregnant too", I said trusting this kind stranger.

"First child?"

"Yes", I replied.

"You are going to have your hands full, honey. The first child is always the toughest one".

"I'm a first child too".

"Then you will go back to your parents asking for forgiveness when you notice how difficult it is to raise a kid", she winked. "Specially the first time".

"I guess I will", I said thinking if it was going to be possible to say that to my dad or if it was already too late.

The lady went back to knitting and I sought for refuge in my own mind, but her words were playing games with me now. I remembered all the soccer games, the movie nights, the swimming and driving lessons.  What if my kid doesn't get to experience that with my dad?