Different Worlds

Chapter Forty-nine

Noah's POV

"Because Zozo was a twin"

What?!

"Back then, I didn't even know that I was having twins. Hell, I didn't even know the gender of my baby because I couldn't afford to know, literally. All the allowance, I had saved up was for baby clothes, diapers and all that." She started

"On the delivery day, after going through hell to have Zozo the doctors told me that there was another one when I heard that I didn't know what to think. I knew I couldn't take care of two babies, I didn't even plan for two babies but when he came out stillborn—"

"He?" I muttered out unconsciously

"Yeah, it was a boy" she replied

"When he came out not crying or breathing, I was so petrified. The nurses and doctors did everything they could to revive him but to no avail, I was completely shattered. After I was discharged, I would sometimes think of him and feel so guilty that he wasn't here with Zozo and me. Other times, I would think it was for the best and that I probably wouldn't have been able to take care of them. Then again, I would feel bad for even thinking that way and the cycle was driving me crazy, so I willed myself to stop."

"It was so hard not to think of him when I was with Zozo but I managed. The only time he popped into my head was on their birthday, well Zozo's birthday. It was always a bittersweet day for me. On one hand, my baby was growing up into a beautiful girl before my eyes and on the other hand, there were supposed to be two of them."

"I would think about what he would've looked like as grown as Zozo. Would he have been the taller twin? Would he have been the quiet and calm one or would he have been wilder and more energetic? So many questions would always pop into my head and I would find myself fluctuating between being happy and sad."

This made a lot of sense now. I now understood why she was spotting a sad look during Zozo's birthday party.

I didn't even know how to respond to this, I was beyond shocked by the news. To lose a pregnancy was one thing, but to carry it to term and have no child to show for it was a whole other thing. This kind of circumstances destabilizes a lot of women and puts a strain on their mental health.

She might not have known she was having twins at first but she did during delivery and to lose one child, I knew the questions of 'what ifs' would be endless. To be honest, I didn't blame her for how she reacted in the courtroom, she had been through so much and she needed to vent.

She must have taken my silence as a sign of annoyance towards her and my moment of information digestion as a sign that I was giving up on the relationship because she went on a full rant.

"I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you about this earlier and that you had to find out this way. I know you must feel like my issues don't ever stop coming back to haunt me and my dark past keeps rearing its ugly head in our present. I would completely understand if you don't want to go further with this relationship, I mean if I was you I don't think I wou—"

I placed bent down to her level and placed both hands on the sides of her head. I gently raised her head so we were looking at each other eye to eye.

"Listen to me. I meant every word I said in that courtroom, I would ride and die with you no matter what those people dig up about you. You are the strongest woman I've ever known and if anything, I'm in awe of how you kept rising up stronger each time life tried to bring you down." I said cutting her off

I took her hands in mine. "You are a true inspiration to me and I love you regardless of whatever, don't ever doubt that. If I could have my way right now, I would marry you in this damn courthouse this minute just to show you that I'm not going anywhere."