Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

The S Girl

(Sorry if there are mistakes. I'm writing from my phone).

Username: @SabrinaEttey
Genre: Mystery/Thriller
Chapters: 3 plus Prologue
Specific: Everything

Cover:
I actually think your cover is too dark. I understand that maybe you did that because of the genre, but the gun is too dark to distinguish. I can't see what is in the background because of the title. Maybe just a tad lighter and then it would be better.

Blurb:
Your blurb is great! It sounds interesting to read.

Grammar:
(Chapter One)

"She collided with people after people or their smoky shadows."

You would want to try and avoid using repetition of words in a single sentence. This can make it awkward sounding and hard to read.

A suggestion could be..."She collided with hoards of people and their smoky shadows."

🌸

"Music got louder. Heart beat quicker. Blood drip dripping from the neon lights on ceiling. Drenching her in dark crimson."

Here you have lots of monotonous sentences, making your sentences abrupt and incomplete.

A suggestion would be to join the sentences together with a comma.
"The music became louder as her heartbeat quicken with each thump. The blood dripped from the neon lights on the ceiling, drenching her in dark crimson."

🌸

"She forced her bright red lips stretch into a smirk..."

An easier way of saying this would be... "She smirked before letting her chocolate irises meet his grey metallic ones."

This is because a novel etc has to meet a certain word count. You make sentences longer than what they should with filler words or unnecessary words. You can still get the meaning across, but with less words and by adding more descriptions.

🌸

Some of your paragraphs need rewording.

Your example...
"Sweat trickled down her head, small black hair strands on the nape of the neck on the back prickled, white shirt clinged to the skin, navy blue skin tight jeans felt heavier on her legs."

Several points I want to discuss here.

- Be careful using run on sentences. You separate sentences with commas and this makes each sentence unrelated to one another. It can also speed up the pace because you aren't taking the time with the descriptions.

- Try to remove the filler words. Words like "felt" can make your sentences seem heavy, and they are unnecessary. By removing them, it can give your words more of an impact and keeps it precise. This is great to remember for the editing phase.

- I do really like how you describe what's going on in your descriptions. You use a good set of verbs, which is great for the reader. You want to keep the reader somewhat engaged, and you do that.

A suggestion could be...
"Sweat trickled down her forehead, causing the black hairs to stick to her skin. A shiver shot down her spine as the hairs on the nape of her neck tingled. Her white shirt clung to her flesh and the navy blue skin-tight jeans fitted snug against her thighs."

(This is just a suggestion, which you don't have to take).

(Chapter Two)

I've noticed that sometimes you miss out the determiner in some of your sentences, making them awkward sounding.
These are... the, an and a. These are often the articles that you add before a noun or object.