Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Dying for Time

Author: @_Twisted_Roses_

Chapters: 10 chapters

Genre: Fantasy/ Romance

Specific: Overall Enjoyment

Cover-

I have to say that I really love your cover. I can't find anything to fault as the image plays nicely with the backdrop. Even the lettering is nice. Good job with the cover.

Blurb-

The only thing I would change with your blurb is this particular sentence, only because "now" is repeated close together in the previous sentence.

"Now the world is in this deadly race. In which Time is far ahead, playing with lives, fate, and ME.

My suggestion would be...

"The world is in a deadly race where time is far ahead as it plays with lives, fate, and me."

In fact, you use "now" four times within the blurb only. You only need to use it once or twice maximum.

✿

Here is another example...

"Because now, ladies and gentlemen, time is running out."

This would be my suggestion...

"Ladies and gentlemen, time is running out."

*You just need to cut out the words that don't bring anything to the table (any word that isn't meaningful or important)

You can always add something more to the sentence to make it longer, If you so wish. 

Grammar-

I have to say that your grammar and punctuation has improved since I last reviewed your other books. I will briefly touch on the points that stood out for me.

(Chapter Three)

Your example...

"I'm the only one who made his dark heart beat, but he says overwise. He doesn't admit to it."

I would consider rewording this sentence to make it flow better, and also to remove the simple sentences to make compound/ complex ones.

My suggestion would be...

"He doesn't like to admit it, but I'm the reason his dark heart is beating, even though he thinks overwise."

You still keep the same meaning, but the tenses are better, and it flows easier off the tongue. (I hope it does anyway)

Punctuation-

(Chapter Three)

Your example...

"He looks up at me,"

This is an action before the dialogue, so it just needs a full stop instead of a comma.

So, it would look like this...

"He looks up at me."

Anything relating to speech would end with a comma before the dialogue.

Character Development/ plot –

I haven't read the complete first book to this sequel, so I'm a little confused by chapter one. (That's on me though. I haven't had a chance to catch up)

By chapter two, I'm more or less hooked by the way you tie your chapters together with mystery as it leaves me thinking, "Why did he do that?"

It all centres around death and by Death himself, which is quite clever.

My favourite character is still Death, although I shouldn't really like him for trying to kill Dona a million times. I guess he secretly likes her but tries not to show it because, in the end, he doesn't want to kill the woman he loves.

In chapter four, we see a different side to Death, where he suddenly erupts with anger. I'm still trying to come to terms with his other identity and what this might mean.

The only thing I would say would be to slow down the pace, especially when something significant happens. For example, you could show more reactions between the court when Eversio becomes angry and reveals himself. This part should be a big moment as it's something the readers have possibly looked forward too. Nobody knows Death's real identity and then boom, the cat's out the bag. Take time with descriptions and really zone in as if you were there.

I love the chemistry between the two of them, and it clearly shows through their sarcastic dialogues. It's quite obvious that they both like each other, but I don't know if you will put a twist in and change the whole dynamics.

I thought you brought Amaret into the picture at the right time because it starts to spice things up and adds tension.

Oh wow, chapter eight is full of surprises. The cliff hanger had me again. There's a love triangle, but it's influenced mainly by the dream state that she is in. I wonder who the lucky guy is?

It would be nice if you did longer chapters or have an average word length per chapter as some are longer, while others are a lot shorter. A good aim would be a thousand, considering you like to write shorter chapters. Some may say that anything less than a thousand wouldn't be classified as a chapter. (that's just something to bear in mind)

Team Death all the way!

Overall Enjoyment-

I have enjoyed all the books you have written so far. Your grammar and punctuation have improved greatly from the first book I read. I only noticed a few punctuation mistakes, and you might want to read over your chapters and change some sentences for them to flow better.

Your strengths are with the cliff hangers and knowing how to make the reader engaged whilst reading. I also liked the dialogue between Dona and Death as it's funny to read and kept my attention throughout.

Your weaknesses are still mainly with sentence structure and where you place the punctuation within dialogue tags, although this is a minor issue as you have improved. I mentioned this point in the other books I reviewed, so I won't go into detail.

Keep up the great work!

If you have any questions, just let me know.

Feel free not to take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.

Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check "Dying for Time" if you've got time.