Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Nightcrawler |Yoonmin|

* This review may contain spoilers * 

Username: benikru

Genre: Fanfiction/ Vampire

Chapter: 5 chapters (I read 4 chapters because they were very long chapters)

Specific: N/A

Book

Cover- 

The cover is quite appealing. I would advise putting your name on the cover. It doesn't have to be your actual name, but a pen name. It's better to have a name than to leave it blank. 

Blurb - 

I like the blurb. You have all the right pieces, but I would have loved it if you had a sentence or a question at the end to pose a conflict or to add suspense for the reader to read and find out the answer as they continue reading. 

For example, something like... "Will Jimin fit in with the standards of modern society, or will he have the urge to kill every living thing that stands in his way?" (This is a bad example, but this question will sort of hype the reader to want to carry on reading to find out). I hope that makes sense. 

You could even include his possible love interest from chapter four as a little foreshadowing. The standards of love and dating have changed from his century, so this issue could pose conflict as Jimin comes to terms with this new era. 

Grammar - 

(Chapter One)

I noticed that you like to talk about Jimin's emerald eyes throughout your descriptions. This is okay once or twice, but it's best to vary your descriptions on other aspects of his appearance. Readers can pick up on this and it can become annoying and redundant. 

Here are your examples...

"...the man tilted his head up and peered back at the cat with matching emerald eyes." 

"His green eyes skimmed over the instructions..." 

"...emerald eyes bouncing over the woman's head..." 

"Namjoon's brown eyes met Jimin's emeralds ones..." 

I think we get the hint that Jimin's eyes are emerald green. You also talk about eyes a lot, a lot. Both for Namjoon and Jimin. I would suggest toning it down a little and focusing on other descriptions - you don't even need to describe everything. It feels too forced when you have to include descriptions or action tags with each dialogue. It's supposed to feel natural, not like you can't think of something so you include a description/ tag about their eyes to fill the void. 

(Chapter Two) 

Throughout the next several chapters, I will give examples to support my point about overusing certain words. Please don't think I'm being petty or getting the wrong idea. I'm simply doing this to help you because sometimes we can't see our mistakes until somebody points them out. Every writer has a clutch word that they go to because it either feels right for them or they use it without remembering they've used it before. Then this can become redundant. 

Your clutch word is definitely "emerald eyes" and I will try to find alternative suggestions for this. 

Your example...

"Rose lips parted in astonishment and two emerald eyes bounced between the buildings and the cars zooming past them."