Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Undercover Babe

* This review may contain spoilers * 

Username: leenawrites- 

Genre: Mystery/Thriller

Chapters: 4 chapters 

Specifics: The blurb 

Book 

Cover -

I like the cover. It fits the mystery genre. I can't make out if the woman in the front is drowning, but I like the cracked screen effect. 

Blurb - 

I thought your blurb was really good! I can't see any faults. 

Grammar - 

(01- blood bath)  

Your example... 

"Maysa felt herself take deep breaths as the heat became increasingly unbearable..."

Try not to use filter words such as 'felt' as it often acts as a barrier between the character and the reader. The reader will feel like they aren't actually there, which is something you don't want. Instead, be precise with your words. Describe what she is doing and what she thinks about doing. 

A suggestion could be... 

"Maysa took deep breaths as the heat became increasingly unbearable..."

🌸

Here is another example... 

"Maysa let out a sigh and watched as a sweat drop trickled down Alaya's forehead."

You can simplify some words and be more precise. 'let out' and 'sigh' have similar meanings.

A suggestion would be...

"Maysa sighed and watched as a drop of sweat trickled down Alaya's forehead." 

Or... 

"Maysa sighed and watched as droplets of sweat trickled down Alaya's forehead." 

It depends if you're talking about a single drop of sweat or plural. 

* (Note - I read the next following chapters as you asked) 

(02- starting somewhere) 

Your example... 

"This was one thing he didn't control." 

This is nit-picky, but I feel like 'couldn't' could emphasise this more. Didn't sort of implied that he can control it but he chose not to. 'Couldn't' means that he literally found it hard. I'm guessing it's a personal interpretation.

A suggestion could be... 

"This was one thing he couldn't control." 

🌸

Your example... 

"The smell was only strong when you neared her floor, everywhere else it was fine." 

This sounds a little awkward with the "neared her floor" part, so I would advise rewording it.