Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

That Pivotal Moment

(I apologise if there are mistakes of any kind. I'm writing on my phone, and usually, I type from my laptop).

Username: smittenwriter23
Genre: Romance
Chapters: 3 chapters
Specific: Everything
Book

Cover:
I love the cover. It's attractive and eye-catching. It fits the genre well.

Blurb:
The blurb should be written in the 3rd person with present tense, whether your story is in 1st person or not.

You do a lot of telling in the first paragraph, coming from Hayden himself. The character should be a mystery and vague for the reader, especially in the blurb. You only need a point or two to sum up the character, the conflict and a question.

The second paragraph switches to the past tense, where it's best to stick with the present tense.

Grammar:
(Chapter One)

You write in the past tense but switch tenses to the present in this example.
"That's what Roy..."

A suggestion could be...
"That was what Roy..."

🌸

(Chapter Two & Chapter Three)

Your grammar is perfect. Your writing style is great, engaging and detailed.

Punctuation:
I didn't find any mistakes.

Character development & plot:

(Chapter One)

It's a nice and interesting chapter. The plot seems quite cliché, which is okay if that's the style you're going for. It's a little predictable and doesn't stand out amongst other Romance stories.

The characters are stereotypical. A jock falls for a "loner" girl, which seems to be a typical trope in this genre.

(Chapter Two)

I like how you add conflict early on with the whole team trying for tryouts for the football team.

It's surprising how people change at the sight of money etc.

The "loner" girl seems feisty. I don't see her as a "loner" because her actions and dialogue don't match your description of her. I don't understand why she would throw a drink over his head just because he got her brother back on the team. I can see why many other readers comment on her "bad girl" vibe.
The only reason I can think of why she is acting like that is that she was hurt in the past by similar guys.

(Chapter Three)

You do a great job with Roy's character.
The only reason Hayden likes Alex is that he loves his sister, Gabby. Otherwise, I don't think Hayden would have helped Alex and got him back on the team.

Overall Enjoyment:

I really enjoyed reading these chapters. I can already guess what will happen as the plot seems cliché.
I hope there is a little mystery and a plot twist later on in your story.

Overall, I can't think of anything that you can improve on. I think if you could improve something, it would have to be your blurb.
I think you are doing a great job.

I can't really warm up to Gabby, but I would have to carry on and read more to understand her character.

If you have any questions, please do ask.

If you've got time, please check out "That Pivotal Moment." Thank you for requesting for the review.