Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Ugly Bones

* This review may contain spoilers *

Username: storefront 

Genre: Fanfiction, Romance 

Chapters: 5 chapters 

Specific: Overusing/underusing medical explanations 

Book

Cover - 

The cover is quite nice and the different images relate to parts of the story. I'm guessing it's a picture of Jimin on the front with the image of Kazimir's eyes from the unique description from the book. I also think the title fits well as I thought it tied in with how Taehyung said she has a 'crippled ass body' and that her joints always ache. 

Kazimir isn't really described as being pretty. (I feel like only her eyes were the most attractive thing that was described to her). Maybe that's where the 'Ugly' comes from, or the fact that having a chronic illness can be ugly at times. I feel like it can be interrupted in many forms. 

Blurb - 

I didn't see any major issues with your blurb. 

Grammar - 

(Chapter Two) 

Try to switch up your sentence structure or be aware of redundant sentence starters. There are some particular paragraphs in very close proximity that start with "She read..." "She took..." "She rang the doorbell..." "She started reading..."

The trick is to not have more than two paragraphs starting the same, one after the other. 

Punctuation - 

I didn't notice any issues here! 

Character Development / Plot - 

(Chapter One) 

This is a well described chapter. I love how you set the scene with Jimin running and how you slowly build on his characteristics. He likes to run in the morning, does the same route, likes poetry and you even describe where he lives.

Your descriptions are beautiful and catching. There is a balance where you don't over-describe, but you add a touch for the imagination. 

He meets a girl that works at the local bakery, piquing his interest and mistaking him for a tourist. 

(Chapter Two) 

I like how you show us that Kazimir suffers from migraines instead of telling us. This makes her somewhat relatable. 

She had to deliver an order, and of course, the order belonged to the same Korean guy that entered the bakery the day before. This part was a little cheesy as it's that stereotypical action that happens in a lot of these books. (I reviewed a book the other week where she had to deliver a drink order and it turned out it was the same guy that came into the shop the day before). It's a little predictable. 

However, I find it fascinating how you build a strong connection between the main characters, Kazimir and Taehyung. They aren't romantically involved and they don't want to get married, yet a member of the family is pushing them together. This adds personal conflict quite early on for the protagonist. And her feeling of what it could be like to lose Taehyung if they don't get married is very real. One of her fears is growing up and being on her own without that one person that has been there for her. 

(Chapter Three) 

It's clear that Jimin can see something in Kizmir by the way she acts, her movements and her appearance. He is taken aback by her but is also intrigued by her. 

I'm feeling like there is more to her illness than just migraines. With each chapter, you delve more into Kizmir's character and we get to understand the way she thinks and acts. She tends to escape by any means from what she's experiencing, be that writing, drinking or going out. Her emotions are beautifully written. 

(Chapter Four) 

I understand Kizmir's frustration at how a chronic illness can be crippling and it seems that not a lot of people understand or take her word for it. You may look okay, but nobody can really see the true damage or how the person is suffering on the inside. That's the truth with most illnesses. A lot are invisible to the eye. 

The way Taehyung has suddenly changed was surprising because I thought he liked her (maybe more as a friend), but if he really loved her, he wouldn't be secretly blaming her for holding him back. 

(Chapter Five) 

We get to see memories of Kizmir's past and some reflections on her diagnosis. This is a great step to introduce what's going on with her because I was starting to wonder why she gets chronic migraines because that's not normal in itself. I'm guessing this is either because of the medication or the fact her immune system is compromised. 

It must be very hard to live with an autoimmune disorder where pain is a constant feeling. In my opinion, you didn't overuse medical terms or explanations. There will always be a divide of people saying you've over described, making it too formal, or they will say that it's too vague and informal. The truth is, there is no right or wrong way. It's important to write about sensitive topics such as chronic illnesses and to shed light on them, without going one way or the other. The experience is subjective and whatever you do, somebody will always have an opinion and say it's too detailed or too vague and unrealistic. 

Overall Enjoyment - 

I enjoyed reading the five chapters I've read so far. It's nice that you are bringing some awareness to this particular chronic illness and it makes the character real. Everything from the hidden emotions, to the pressure of society and family, brings forth the conflict and inner turmoil between Kizmir and Taehyung. 

Things I suggest you could improve are: 

-1- Sentence Structure - This is a very minor detail because I only noticed it in one chapter, but it's just to remember to vary sentence structure. Look for the sentence starters that begin with "he/she" and make sure they aren't redundant more than twice in the same paragraph or following paragraphs. 

Please remember that this review is solely based on my opinion. If you so wish for the review to be removed in any shape or form, let me know. 

Please keep writing & I wish you all the best with your writing journey! 

Thank you for requesting the review & I hope it helps you in some way. Please check, "Ugly Bones," if you have time.