Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Outside the Box

Author: @_Twisted_Roses_

Chapters: 10 chapters

Genre: Teen Fic/ Humour

Specific: Plot and overall enjoyment

Cover-

I like what you have done with the cover. The strip in the middle is supposed to be like a box, and the image is outside of it. Anyway, I like it because you've managed to do something different and unique. The only thing that kind of annoys me a little is the lettering of the title because it isn't straight. I know you did that on purpose, so I'm not criticising. I have OCD, so things like that annoy me to a certain degree.

Blurb-

Your blurb is good, although it is a little tad short. You might want to consider adding a little more information (two to three more sentences) because you want to try and hook the reader. The reader hasn't got much to go on with four short sentences.

Remember this is the selling point of your book.

What makes the reader want to pick up your book in a pile of a thousand other books?

Grammar-

I won't focus too much on grammar and punctuation as I will delve more into your specific points. I will pick up what I can though.

(Chapter Two)

Your example...

"The table is the only table in the shop I've ever sat on."

You could make this sentence sound clearer as you repeat "table" twice in the same sentence.

My suggestion...

"I've only ever sat at this table in the entire shop, not wanting to sit anywhere else."

(something like that)

(Chapter Three)

Your example...

"I can see that she's shocked that I confronted her, but also knows that that's the truth."

You use too many "that" in this sentence.

My suggestion...

"I can see she's shocked because I confronted her, but that's also the truth."

(Chapter Five)

You can italicize her inner thoughts, so we can understand her personality a little more.

Your example...

"Yeah, she's here. Ew."

Punctuation-

The layout in the middle of chapter two confused me for a second and then I understood that it was Amazon texting the other mystery guy.

A suggestion could be to make this a little clearer.

Suggestions for the layout...

Example one-

Me: My life is a box

Unknown: Cool.

Me: Congratulations u passed the first Fake Friend Filter.

(This separates the speaker from the text)

Example two-

Me

My life is a box

Unknown

Cool

Me

Congratulations u passed the first Fake Friend Filter.

(by making the speaker in bold, it lets the reader know, so they aren't reading it as normal text)

(Chapter Three)

Your example...

"Amazon, I've always stuck around with you," her eyes look like..."

There should be a full stop and not a comma as it's not "he said/she said" but more of an action.

My suggestion...

"Amazon, I've always stuck around with you." Her eyes look like..."

Character Development/ plot -

You introduce your character well in the first chapter, even adding a Lightning McQueen reference added amusement. You talk about how Amazon is slow at Soccer as she tried out for the team last year too. I found this relatable because I was the same, apart from trying out for the soccer team, but I was the slowest.

I find the concept intriguing so far. It reminds me about blind dates, but through texting instead. Or if you've seen "You've got mail" with Tom Hanks, which is a good film and similar.

I like the relationship you build between Box and Jar, even though they haven't met personally, they sill bond and create a friendship that could last. They seem to start getting to know each other and Jar might be a substitute friend for the fake one she lost.

Sometimes the people that are close to us aren't friends, but we think they are. It takes a person who could be far away that makes a better friend for us to see that. (speaking from experience)

The plot seems to be coming together nicely as you dedicate a whole chapter about Box and Jar getting to know each other and making jokes. You portray Jar to be funny and deep. I love their relationship already.

It's always good to see that your character, Amazon, isn't a Mary Sue. She has flaws but doesn't care. I love that she stands up for herself too.

I love the guessing throughout chapter seven and eight about who Jar is. I have two suspects that I think it could be. I sent you a PM to reveal who I think it might be, but every time I feel I'm sure, I second guess myself.

You make it fun for the readers guessing who his identity is.

I love Amazon's sarcasm and sassiness between her and Skai.

You brought Jar's POV in at the right moment. It's making me itch to find out who he is.

Because chapter nine is in Amazon's POV, you don't need to indicate chapter ten in her POV, unless the chapter before states a different POV. (if you know what I mean)

Overall Enjoyment-

I enjoyed reading your book, especially the guessing aspect which you have got going on. Although you don't use cliff-hangers, you still keep the readers hooked by stringing us along with the whole 'whose Jar?' concept.

I like to think that three parts make a story.

1, Dialogue

2, Narration

3, Inner thoughts

So, remember to italicize the parts that are coming from Amazon, which aren't parts of the narration.

Other than that, I didn't notice any other issues as most of the speech is written in text form.

Keep up the good work, and I'm sure your book will do great. It deserves more views than it has already. It's just about getting more exposure, and every writer on Wattpad knows the struggles.

If you have any questions, just let me know.

Feel free to not take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.

Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check "Outside the Box" if you've got time.