Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

The Fall of Mangiatorvi

Username: @ivy279

Chapters: You said 10 chapters, but I could only manage 5. Some chapters were long.

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Specific: N/A

Book

Cover -

At first, I thought the image was a little too dark, but I can see the relevance of the university. My only worry would be if the cover could stand out with dark colours amongst other books in the same genre?

Blurb -

You have all the right components that make a great blurb. It's the perfect length, you introduce the character and the conflict, and leave the readers' with a question at the end. Good job!

Grammar -

Your grammar was perfect throughout all five chapters. Well done 👏

Punctuation -

N/A 👏

Character development/ Plot -

(Chapter One)

This was a fantastic first chapter! Your descriptions were captivating and well detailed. It's always hard to write about magic, but you brought her magic into the chapter in a subtle way. I felt bad for the protagonist as Jamal didn't reply to her texts, and to a sense, ghosted her. Gemma's actions seemed real and her emotions felt right for the situation. The transitions from Gemma punching the bag at the gym, to finding Jamal cheating and then beating him up with magic all followed through in a smooth way.

The only thing I didn't get -- I had to read it twice -- was that she had a vision of where he was and saw him cheating. Does she have magical visions as a part of her power?

(Chapter Two)

It was nice to see the backstory surrounding Naomi. The flashback between her and Naomi's grandmother was beautiful. She must have an excellent memory to remember the task in forty years. It's a long time to wait. Either way, I'm sure the reason will be explained further on.

Whenever there is a magic school involved, I always get a 'Hogwarts' vibe. It's lovely that Naomi is so trusting and caring towards Gemma. I wonder why her grandmother would want Noami to care for Gemma?

(Chapter Three)

This chapter is interesting as Gemma is introduced to James and learns more about her gifts and the magical university. Gifts aren't always blessings, and I like how you sneak in information to support this with Gemma's insomnia and depression relating to her gifts.

I wonder how the other states mix and if it causes angst between the communities? You've included vampires, witches and trolls -- which is a nice unique addition.

Gemma's reaction to Jame's scholarship offer is believable.

(Chapter Four)

I'm really intrigued by how the students have to have a visa for the duration of their stay. It's clear that you've put a lot of thought and hard work into the system with the world-building. I can't remember if you've stated this, but can Gemma remember her early childhood about being left for Nana to find her? I take it Gemma is adopted, but I don't know if she knows or wants to know about her birthplace/ parents.

Madison's characteristics are opposite Gemma's, but that's what makes Madison likeable.

The structure of the university is impressive and seems to have a lot of history in each building. I'm a little confused with all the Tiers, though. It's a little info-dumpy in some parts.

(Chapter Five)

You have some nice introductions for Jared and Daniel. Again, I like the opposite characteristics within the characters. This makes them relatable and memorable.

It seems like Madison knows a lot more about the university and teams with the specific words she uses.

I also find it relatable that Gemma can't control her powers on the first go. She has to learn how to fit in and control her powers by a mentor.

Overall enjoyment -

I really loved reading your book, and I can see how the plot transforms and develops in each chapter. Some chapters were longer than others for my personal preference on Wattpad, but if you plan to publish, the length is great.

I couldn't see anything you could focus on because it seems like you've edited your chapters well. Your book has the potential to be a great read for all fantasy lovers.

Keep writing & good luck with the rest of your writing journey!

Thank you for requesting the review & hope it can help you in some way. Please check out, "The Fall of Mangiatorvi" if you have time.