Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

She Falls to the Sky

Username: @InamorataFeels

Genre: Short Story/ Fantasy

Chapters: 1

Specific: N/A

Book

Cover -

Your cover is good, and the background with the clouds fits well with the title. Reviewing the cover is always subjective, so I can't find anything wrong with it. I believe it semi fits with the fantasy genre.

Blurb -

I feel like your blurb is a little short.

Your blurb...

"All she has to do is protect The Lady and be free. But things take a different turn when she is betrayed. This is the story of why She Falls to the Sky."

Whilst reading, I had these questions that you could maybe discuss a little further. Why does she have to protect The Lady? Who is the main character? Briefly, how and why was she betrayed -- like was she betrayed from The Lady, by a friend, or a lover?

You should give a little information about your story to entice the reader to want to choose your book.

A good idea is to pose a question at the end to ask the readers' a question.

Something simple like, "Will the protagonist ever trust (insert name) after he/she destroyed their relationship, love and took the ultimate sacrifice to be with them?"

(Obviously, change it to suit your plot, but some question that ties the story together and poses the question to the reader. They want to read on to answer the question themselves).

Grammar -

(Chapter One)

Your example...

"The news is that The Lady is in danger, of what, she doesn't know, but she does know that she has to get there quickly,"

I feel like you could make the first sentence more impactful if you make it a shorter sentence with a full stop.

A suggestion could be...

"The news is that The Lady is in danger. Of what, she doesn't know, but she knows she has to get there quickly,"

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Your example...

"On reaching the huge doors it is thrown in unexpectedly but she is trained for surprises..."

I wasn't sure what she was talking about here. What is thrown in unexpectedly?

A suggestion could be...

"On reaching the huge doors, the danger unexpectedly creeps up on her, but she's trained for surprises..."

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I noticed you don't use contractions.

Your examples...

"And she thinks it is the left hand."

"It is getting late,"

"It is a matter of minutes now..."

I don't know if this is because of personal preference, but using contractions can make your writing speak to the reader and makes the flow better. Contractions are most commonly used in English, probably less in formal writing. Again, it's up to the author as it's a personal preference, but I thought I would make you aware. (Ignore my suggestions if you don't feel comfortable).

Suggestions could be...

"And she thinks it's the left hand."

"It's getting late,"

"It's a matter of minutes now..."

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Your example...

"His face is contorted in a malicious way like a monster about to kill, his nostrils are flared like the head of a mythological cobra..."

You could start a new sentence here... "His nostrils flare like the head of a mythological cobra, baring his sharp teeth."

Punctuation -

(Chapter One)

There is a small typo.

Your example...

"They burst through the clouds and the Grand Edifice comes into view in all it's glory."

it's - should be its.

"They burst through the clouds, and the Grand Edifice comes into view in all its glory."

Character development/ Plot -

(Chapter One)

I thought you did a great job with being consistent in present tense. I didn't notice any major error, and I think that's hard since I believe present tense is difficult. (Personal opinion, here).

Another thing I enjoyed was the fact I had to wait until the end to discover the main character's name.

Your book is quite original, plot wise. I liked how you set up a different world beneath the clouds. (I hope I got that part right, some parts were a little complex to understand fully). I like that the protagonist is different and has aspirations to find this other world.

Every piece to your story has a theme to it. Like when she enters the Grand Edifice, there are clouds that take her up to the next level, and there is a cloud room.

Lo'aare's true intentions come to light, and I feel sorry that her love betrays her in this way. I'm starting to wonder what changed his mind and if these were his true intentions to get back at Neusa all along?

How did Neusa know that The Lady was in danger and had to be saved?

I hope there will be a sequel because you left the readers on a cliffhanger. I'm hoping Neusa gets her wish and finds her dream in the magical world below the sky, and doesn't die before she gets there.

Overall enjoyment -

The first time I read it, I didn't understand all the characters and the concepts surrounding the world under the sky. I had to re-read the chapter again to understand the characters and their positions because it didn't occur to me that you hadn't revealed the main character's name until I reached the ending for the first time.

What I like most was that the plot isn't something I read a lot of here on Wattpad. I do believe your story has potential.

What you could focus on...

-1- Blurb - I don't think your blurb is doing your book justice. It's a good book with a poor blurb. You need to sell your story with an enticing blurb to reach readers' interest. By adding more premise to your blurb, it can create a brief sense of what happens. There needs to be an intro of the main character/s, what the story is about with conflict introduced and what's going to happen as a result. Then a personal preference is to add a question for the readers.

Keep writing & good luck with your writing journey! Feel free to ask me any questions relating to the review.

Thank you for requesting this review & I hope it helps you in some way. Please check 'She Falls to the Sky' if you have time.