Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

The Last Philosopher

I'm so sorry that this has taken me a looong time, too long to actually write & publish.

Username: @NickfEast

Chapters: 5 chapters (you requested 10, but I will tell you why I only read 5 in the enjoyment section).

Genre: Fantasy/ Comedy

Specific: Plot holes / continuous errors

Book

Cover -

The cover isn't too bad. It doesn't really strike me as Fantasy. The white font and the patterns contrast against the darker background, making the title readable.

Blurb -

I really love your blurb. It's intriguing, not too long and sums up everything within the book.

Grammar -

Your grammar was on point! Great job! I found a few minor sentences that maybe could be reworded, but this could be down to personal style.

Chapter two:

Your example...
"The nation that according to non- scorchers had only one redeeming feature. That it was as far away as possible from any of them."

It's up to you, but maybe an em dash works better here.

A suggestion could be...
"The nation that according to non- scorchers had only one redeeming feature — that it was as far away as possible from any of them."

🌸

Your example...
"Poking his big nose into things that weren't his to poke,"

A suggestion here could be to remove the unnecessary "to poke."

"Poking his big nose into things that weren't his,"

Chapter four:

This might be a personal style choice, but I feel like this sentence could be reworded.

Your example...
"Because this ochre-skinned man could find the interesting in anything."

A suggestion could be...
"Because this ochre-skinned man could find anything interesting."

Punctuation -

I couldn't find any errors. Great job!

Character development / Plot -

Chapter one:

Instantly, I laughed at this line - "Richard, long for Dick,"

Your writing is rather on the humorous side, and you play with a unique concept that I haven't really come across before - naming a black hole in the universe Richard.
While I did have a hard time trying to understand the complexity of what was going on, I do think you word your sentences in an entertaining way, which kept me reading on.

Chapter two:

I enjoyed this chapter as you bring us more into the world you've created by introducing us to the main character. So far, I don't think much has happened as a lot is more telling, or maybe that's because there is a lack of action.

Chapter three:

Character development progresses quite a bit in this chapter, explaining his favourite personal belonging and why he cherishes his bunny slippers.

It can be a little confusing as there is a lot of information in these chapters, especially with the world-building. (Don't forget - readers won't know anything about world-building the same as the author. It can be confusing at times by introducing too much too soon).

Chapter four:

So, Herschel is trying to escape the prison, right? You do well with the descriptions and scenery. I wondered if there could be more action, which later comes in at the end of the chapter with him following through with his plan. The second half of the chapter was a little more entertaining than the first part.

Chapter five:

A suggestion could be to add some dialogue between the sorcerer and the other prisoners. Sometimes I feel like he is the only person there and since we're five chapters in, most of the chapters are pretty much all narration.

I do enjoy his thoughts in italics, though.

Overall enjoyment -
This is a pretty polished book and I couldn't find any plot holes from the five chapters I've read. The reason why I only read five chapters and not ten was because I found the plot a little confusing. I was lost in parts whilst reading, and the more chapters I read, the less involved I was.

But I did love your world building and the humour you added, which gave the sorcerer a humorous edge.

What you could improve on:

1- Showing vs Telling - There were a few instances where you probably could do less telling and more showing. Like when Herschel is in the prison, you talk about his backstory a little too much in some parts that pull the reader away from the action. Or maybe cut down on the information you feed the readers in the first few chapters and maybe introduce parts later on.

Of course, you don't have to follow my suggestions as this review is my opinion/ advice.

Keep writing & I wish you all the best with your writing journey!

Thank you for requesting the review & I hope it helps you in some way. Please check, "The Last Philosopher," if you have time.