Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Saving Emily

* This review may contain spoilers * 

Username: taislebaron

Genre: Teen Fiction 

Chapters: 5 Chapters

Specific: N/A 

Book 

Cover - 

The cover is nice. I don't really have any issues. 

Blurb - 

I actually really liked your blurb. I like how you have a character that suffers from Cystic Fibrosis, adding realism to your story. 

Grammar - 

Your grammar is great! I didn't see any issue. 

Note - I noticed a few lowercase letters that need to be capitalised. It's worth taking a look back over your chapters.

Punctuation - 

Again, I didn't really see an issue here, but it's still worth checking and re-reading your work. 

Character Development/ Plot - 

(Prologue) 

I like it when prologues start at the centre of an issue as the reader struggles to piece together what has happened. Rosie finds herself waiting at the hospital where Steve, I'm presuming Steve is her father, rushes in and demands to know what happened to her mother. The reader is kept in the dark, along with the protagonist as she comes to terms with what could have possibly happened. This is a great start! 

(Chapter One) 

I feel sorry for the protagonist as she has to pickpocket to be able to live in a sheltered place, even though they call it a slum. It was better staying there than on the streets. 

You've done a good job making her mother seem like the bad, controlling mother by encouraging this sort of behaviour from her daughter. We also see a contrast of a little empathy between her and her mother, who doesn't seem to feel any guilt for her victims. 

(Chapter Two) 

There is one instance where you could show rather than tell us. 

Your extract... {"The bus was late and I was very anxious by the time it pulled up at the station..."} and {"...I felt very self conscious wondering if I looked and smelled sweaty."} 

You could use description and body language to show us how she is anxious and self-conscious. Does she keep looking behind her? Do her eyes dart from side to side as she becomes paranoid? Does she hunch up her shoulders or bite her lip? I get why she would be nervous --  she has a huge pressure from her mother to steal more items. I would be nervous, too. Although, pickpocketers are often stealthy people. 

I liked how we got to see another side to Rosie, an emotional and meaningful side. She has a strangled relationship with her mother and reading those lines at that audition, probably made her feel and sense the emotion she had been hiding. 

(Chapter Three) 

It's sad to think that Rosie has low self-esteem and thinks badly about herself. But I can understand that growing up on the wrong side of the tracks can let you believe misconceptions about yourself. I'm glad she got accepted, but wouldn't her mother have to attend? I think it said something about meeting parents in the email. I wonder how that will go down with her mother. 

(Chapter Four) 

I'm glad that Rosie is starting to think more about herself and her future, rather than what her mother wants for her. It's also a wise decision to get her own bank account, which implies that although she cares for her mother, she doesn't yet trust her when money is concerned. 

Overall Enjoyment - 

Your chapters were short and sweet. I liked how Rosie was relatable and down to Earth. Although she's into crime, she didn't like committing theft and that's more down to her upbringing by her mother. I'm rooting for Rosie! 

Things I think you could improve on are: 

-1- Description - I felt like your chapters lacked description from all angles. Appearance, scenery, and emotion. The prologue was the only chapter that I felt emotionally connected to. Take your time with each scene and add some descriptions to let the reader in, otherwise, it will feel a bit like a rush. Use the five senses. What can the character see? What can she feel? What can she hear? (I think I remember you did vaguely focus on hearing in chapter four). What can she taste? (You mention she eats an old tv dinner, maybe describe the mushy and stale taste of that). Since she is underprivileged, talk about how she has holes in her socks and the limited clothes that she wears. 

As the author, it's up to you, but it would give the character more depth as she pushes to peruse her goal of auditioning and getting the part for money (not necessarily for fame). 

Please remember that this review is based solely on my opinion. If you so wish for the review to be removed in any shape or form, please let me know. 

Please keep writing & I wish you all the best on your writing journey! 

Thank you for requesting the review & I hope it helps you in some way. Please check, "Saving Emily," if you have time.