Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

The Feeling Underneath

Username: Gigi_washere 

Genre: Thriller/ Sci-fi

Chapters: 5 chapters 

Specific: If writing makes sense.

Book 

Cover - 

I didn't find anything wrong with the cover as I assume the boy on the front is Two-Sixty.

Blurb - 

Your blurb is perfect. I didn't find anything wrong.

Grammar -

(Chapter One)

Since you're writing in the past tense, you need to be careful using 'it's." (it is or it has)

Your examples of switching tenses...

"...without any questions or complaining is a way to conceive them."

"It's either obey me the first time..." 

"...I believe that's what it was..."

Suggestions may be...

"...without any questions or complaining was a way to conceive them." 

"It was either obey me the first time..." 

"...I believe that was what it was..." 

Note - Make sure you re-read your chapters to pick up on grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes.

Punctuation - 

(Chapter Two) 

You overuse the semicolon when sometimes it's unnecessary. 

Your example...

"All the attention and touching wasn't favorable to me at all; I just wanted to be left alone." 

Making these two sentences separate would be better. 

A suggestion could be...

"All the attention and touching wasn't favorable to me at all. I just wanted to be left alone."

(Chapter Five) 

Another example of an unnecessary semi-colon. 

Your example...

"Drawing near to his bunk, Joesph saw a few of his colleagues conversing; he imagined they were talking about the experience they had with their AHs."

A suggestion could be...

"Drawing near to his bunk, Joesph saw a few of his colleagues conversing and imagined they were talking about the experience they had with their AHs."

Character development/ plot - 

(Chapter One)

This reminds me a little of the divergent series. I liked the sphere that sucks away their magical powers - clearly, they are mutants that have special powers and the suited men are scared, or almost frightened about what they can do. You have a cool concept.

I feel sorry for four-seventy-three. You've shown us what could happen if any one of them denies their 'treatment.' 

(Chapter Two)

It's a weird concept about how you described a foetus being in the womb. I don't think I've read anything like this. And it's not even a baby but a scientifically engineered human in a womb. So, is this the retelling of how he ended up being here? His reactions were realistic. 

(Chapter Three) 

It must be a weird experience for him to have. It's like being a grown-ass baby and being treated like one in the same way, whilst being the age of a seventeen-year-old man. I wonder what the milk is and where it came from? Is it from another human subject or has it been scientifically made? So far, your book has piqued my curiosity. I thought the man was his father, but now I'm not so sure.

(Chapter Four) 

The way they treat them is discomforting. However, I kinda like the caretaker because he seems genuinely nice like he wants the best for the boy. He isn't strict like the suited men. It seems like there is a lot of preparation that the main character has to go through, but I'm still wondering what the purpose of all this is for. The experiment that they use for teaching reminds me of Pavlov's dog analogy where he reinforces positive behaviour with rewards of the milk treat the boy loves.

(Chapter Five) 

So, Joesph is trying to prepare Two-Sixty for the evaluation. I'm trying to figure out what would happen if he doesn't succeed and Two-Sixty fails the evaluation. Do they kill him because he isn't fit for purpose?

I like that we get to know more about the caretaker, Joesph, and his backstory. 

Overall Enjoyment - 

I really enjoyed reading the first five chapters. The idea in itself is intriguing and a cool concept that I haven't come across on Wattpad. It does have more of a Sci-fi feel than a thriller. 

Things you could improve on are:

1- Punctuation - Overusing semi-colons - This is a minor issue, but you use semi-colons way too much when a full stop or a comma would work better. A suggestion could be to use a free online grammar checker that can help spot these errors. Also, a semi-colon shouldn't be used more than four times per chapter. I always think of semi-colons as an exclamation mark. You have to use them sparingly because a semi-colon only has two purposes. It can be distracting when you use them a lot of times in a paragraph. 

Keep writing & I wish you all the best with your writing journey! 

Thank you for requesting the review & I hope it helps you in some way. Please check, "The Feeling Underneath," if you have time.