Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Alacrimia

Username: InamorataFeels

Chapters: 5 chapters

Genre: General Fiction

Specific: What vibe does the story extrude to/in you?

Book

Cover -

Having a mostly black cover can be tricky and often float into the background, but the girl (who I assume is the main character, Eniiyi) works well and takes up the centre space, catching my interest.

Blurb -

I have to say that the title is unique. I've never heard of this term before and I think it fits the book well.

The blurb is short and sweet and doesn't give too much away. I don't see anything wrong with it.

Grammar -

Chapter One:

Your example...

"Eniiyi glanced at her and blinked, the covers now covering up to her neck."

A suggestion here could be to remove the "covering" as it's quite redundant with "covers." If you remove it, it will still make sense.

"Eniiyi glanced at her and blinked, the covers now up to her neck."

Chapter Two:

Your example...

"I was funnin with you."

I know English isn't your native language, but here the expression you were trying to convey got lost and some readers might not understand what you mean.

I think you meant - "I was joking with you." or "I was teasing you."

* Grammar has improved from the previous story I reviewed. I couldn't find many mistakes. *

Punctuation -

Chapter One:

Your example...

"She was doomed to go to the village, after all, she was just a small girl, her decisions didn't matter."

This is a comma splice. Effectively, you can use a full stop here or change the placement of the comma.

"She was doomed to go to the village. After all, she was just a small girl and her decisions didn't matter."

Or

"She was doomed to go to the village after all. She was just a small girl, so her decisions didn't matter."

Character development / plot -

Chapter One:

Instantly, you set up the relationship between the main character and her mother with realistic dialogue. I'm wondering how old she is here because I'm guessing she is still quite young from the choice of her words.

She was left alone when she was eight, and from the narration, we already get a sense that something bad happened during the time she was alone, which is a reason why her mother feels guilty and won't make the same mistake again. I'm hoping this will delve deeper into the following chapters, so we as readers can understand where the mother is coming from.

Chapter Two:

For a nine-year-old, she appears to be quite spoilt by her parents. I'm getting the impression that her parents don't necessarily need to take this trip, but they choose to go instead of staying and spending time with their only daughter.

Eniiyi's parents don't understand how a personal belonging such as a tablet is important for her. Sometimes they seem to care more about their issues, rather than feeling sympathetic towards her.

This chapter explores the emotional needs of each character. Nicely done.

Chapter Three:

Eniiyi's outburst was inevitable. It was going to happen sooner or later, and from her perspective, her reactions were relatable. For Eniiyi, she thinks her parents are abandoning her and leaving her with her grandmother that she hasn't ever met. Maybe her parents chose her grandmother, so they feel better about themselves.

However, Eniiyi does come across as rude, especially talking like that in front of her parents. I was never allowed to say anything mean or rude towards my parents at nine years old. She lacks respect but wants her parents to respect her. I'm hoping living in a different village with her grandmother will teach her some kind of lesson. This can be great for character development on her part.

Chapter Four:

It's nice to see some more characters and her grandmother interacting with other members of the village.

Is it part of their culture to do a naming ceremony for the twin babies? I've never heard of that before. Parts of the chapter were interesting to read, but because I don't understand Yoruba, the words incorporated within text and dialogue can be hard to follow the story. I have to keep going back to the translations at the bottom of the chapter and go back to the dialogue to understand fully, which disrupts the flow for me.

Chapter Five:

It's nice that her uncle Felix came back. I wonder if the mother was feeling guilty and got Felix to drop by and spy on them to see if Eniiyi is really okay.

Overall enjoyment -

While this isn't typically the sort of book I would read, I liked reading it as it gave me that sort of homely vibe. Some parts like the family banter and the big gatherings made me think about my own childhood and how I missed those times.

It's a family-orientated book with realistic problems of workaholic parents and a child that is outspoken within her mannerisms.

What you could improve:

1- Re-reading for clarity - By doing this, you could spot any minor typos that you've missed. We're all learning as writers, and that doesn't stop once the book is completed.

Of course, you don't have to follow my suggestions as this review is my opinion/ advice.

Keep writing & I wish you all the best with your writing journey!

Thank you for requesting the review & I hope it helps you in some way. Please check, "Alacrimia," if you have time.