Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

My England

* This review may contain spoilers * 

Username: Innugati 

Genre: Historical Fiction

Chapters: None specified, but to read some from the start and at the end.

Specific: N/A

Book

Cover -

The cover fits the story as I'm guessing it revolves around the she-wolf. It sort of has that Viking, Historical fiction vibe to it. It's different. 

Blurb - 

I like the blurb, but remember to write in the present tense. 

Your example...

"An abandoned frail boy left to die in the forest of Jorrghimmyer was found by the Kael prince Siftrethorn who carried him on his back through the mountains of Iskordergmerahm to the land of the Kael warriors."

A suggestion could be...

"An abandoned frail boy is left to die in the forest of Jorrghimmyer and is found by the Kael prince, Siftrethorn, who carries him on his back through the mountains of Iskordergmerahm to the land of the Kael warriors."

Grammar - 

(Chapter One) 

You do a good job sticking with the past tense, but you switch to the present tense in the last paragraph. 

Here is an example...

"But he stops when he is interrupted by the sounds of footsteps approaching which makes him sit up and grip his blade firmly by the hilt intent of killing his ambusher only to drop it in complete surprise when instead of the image of a well-seasoned warrior came back to finish the job he has met with the image of a sobbing small boy..."

A suggestion could be...

"He stopped when the sound of approaching footsteps made him sit up,  gripping his blade firmly by the hilt with the intention of killing his ambusher. Instead of a well-seasoned warrior that came back to finish the job, a sobbing, small boy walked up to the fair-haired prince..." 

🌸

I would also avoid using block capitals for dialogue because they don't add emphasis or emotion. In real life when we have a fight or an argument, do we shout all the time? Do our pitch and tone stay the same? Do we do nothing with our hands?

Your example...

"I HAVE ALREADY LOST MY DAUGHTER I WILL NOT LOSE MY SON!" 

This has to be one of my pet peeves because the capitals take away the emphasis you're trying to make and make it the complete opposite. 

But what you can do is use actions tags to display his anger, despair, and loss. Use a speech tag and describe the pitch and tone of his voice. Is he spitting the words in rage? What about his body language? 

Another example...

"TONIGHT TAKE ALL THAT YOU DESIRE AND LEAVE NO HOUSE ON THIS LAND STILL STANDING!" 

Again, you can show how he is trying to take back power and revenge by showing us his body language. Is he pumping his fist into the air? It sounds like he is giving his men orders, so try to match his tone and body language with his choice of words.