best of me | woosan (✓)

- eighteen -

tw / self harm

"cut me."

hongjoong sat there staring at wooyoung in shock, unsure of why he had said such a thing.

"w-what? n-no!"

"i'll do it myself if you don't," he shrugged.

"n-no.. no, i-i can't hurt you like that..."

"but you can hurt yourself like that?"

"y-you don't understand, wooyoung! i-i n-need it..."

"but i do understand, joong. what you don't understand is what i'm trying to tell you."

"h-huh?"

"you don't want to hurt the people you care about, right? but hurting yourself hurts us. i know it's not your intention, but we really just want the best for you... we want you here, safe and healthy at all times. not to mention happy..."

"a-are you trying to make me feel g-guilty?"

"no, absolutely not. i just want you to realize how much we care about you. we're trying to get you to stop hurting yourself because we care, hongjoong. we want you to find a healthier way to cope with your feelings."

hongjoong just sat in silence, playing with his fingers after that. san came back inside and saw the blade, tensing slightly before grabbing it and putting it in his pocket to throw away later. wooyoung chose to be a bit quiet, deciding that if hongjoong wanted to tell san what he had told him then he could do so himself.

"what happened?" san asked softly, noticing the tense atmosphere in the room.

hongjoong just shrugged, going back to playing with his fingers as he thought about what wooyoung had said to him.

"it's nothing, sannie.. he's doing okay, we talked a little about his arms and then he got quiet."

"wooyoung... i hate to be nosy, but what exactly did you ask him?"

"i just asked why, san. and i told him after that how the reason you wanted to take away his blade was because you care and want him to find a different way to relieve his pain, a healthier way."

"and then?"

"i asked him to show me where his blade was but told him i wasn't going to take it."

"and did you?"

"no, i didn't."

san sighed, unsure of what to do. he was feeling oddly anxious himself, and having seen the blade had triggered him more than it had in the past. he was itching to go harm himself, but he didn't know how he'd be able to get away with it.

"here... joongie, why don't you try to take a nap? wooyoung and i will be here if you need anything, but you're clearly getting tired from crying and need some rest. okay?"

hongjoong nodded and wooyoung went over to the other bed while san tucked the older boy in. san gently kissed hongjoong's arms, then covered the boy with a blanket as he closed his eyes. wooyoung felt oddly jealous, and it wasn't something he enjoyed. so when san came over to wooyoung, the younger pulled him into a tight hug, sighing.

"woo.. what's wrong?" san asked worriedly.

"n-nothing..."

"hey, look at me..." san whispered, cupping wooyoung's cheeks. "you didn't do anything wrong, joongie's going to be okay. he's been fighting this for years and he hasn't given up yet. he's getting better, but sometimes you have to get worse before you can get better."

wooyoung shook his head a bit, chewing his lip.

"that's not it..." wooyoung mumbled. "it's stupid, don't worry about me..."