Haven

Chapter Thirty One

Alex

My nap was short lived, but the kick I needed to actually be a functional adult again. Jaida knowing I was in shredsville wasn't helpful to her, and one thing my new role as a father had thought me was that it's always about the child. In other words, I badly needed to get my shit together.

A taller, more gentle and more fragile version of Jaida appeared in the doorframe, cautiously scoping out her surroundings before her eyes settled on me.

"How are you doing, Jasmine?" I ask her, and while she looks like she's a dam about to burst, she also looks like the dam has already bursted.

She tries to smile, but it somehow makes her look even more scared and heartbroken than before, and I move over in the seat, gesturing for her to come and sit down. The kid needs a hug, and someone to tell her it's not as bad as she thinks.

"Jaida was asleep when I came out of the bathroom, I didn't want to wake her she looks so tired." She explains herself, and I nod in understanding as she sits down next to me.

"You look tired." I counter, and she shrugs, and suddenly I see a similarity between the two sisters. They're both serial introverts. Willing to say nothing if it means they don't have to acknowledge their feelings. But this time, Jasmine has no idea how to manage them. "Have you spoken to Pete and Anna?" I ask her.

She nods her head. "Yeah they're on their way home from a vacation, I ruined everything for them again." She sighs, before covering her face in her hands. "They're gonna be so mad at me!" She whispers to herself, and while I know what she's talking about, I promised Jaida I wouldn't tell so I play along.

"Because your mother died?" I ask, incredulously. She lets out a strangled laugh, running her hand through her hair roughly. And suddenly I'm genuinely concerned for the kid, she's actually in deep mental turmoil.

"When I went to live with Pete and Anna, they wanted to adopt Jaida too." She tells me, looking up to me with the blankest look on her face. I try to control my own expression, not wanting to put her off. "They couldn't have their own kids, and I guess in my tweenage mindset, I figured they'd love Jaida more cause she was a little kid. I had finally met two people who didn't want to hurt me, or anything else fucked up for that matter and I didn't wanna share that with my baby sister." She looks sick to her stomach, and I'm not sure why she's sharing this story with me.

"You know what's fucking worse?" She lets out that strangled laugh again. "They fucking listened to me. Who does that? They read my file, they knew exactly what had happened to me and they listened to me. Who does that?" She asks me, and I shrug. I mean I have the answer to that, but I'm not about to burst her about to burst bubble.

"Look, you said yourself you were a kid, and clearly bad things had already happened to you." I say, and she stops with her inner breakdown to hang on my every word, that's when I realize I need to be careful with her. "Pete and Anna must have known you needed their undivided attention and as your parents that was their call to make. Jaida was fine, little rough around the edges but she's absolutely fine. You don't need to take responsibility for a situation neither of you should have been put in, okay?" I try to reason with her, and she just starts sobbing again. 

"I still feel like I don't want to share Pete and Anna." She sobs, and I finally reach out and out a hand on her shoulder, attempting to calm her down. "How the fuck am I supposed to be a mother?" She whispers, and I paint a confused look on face, very glad she felt the need to tell me so I could attempt to work on that one too.

"You're pregnant?" I ask her, as she leans into my touch, accepting some sort of comfort.

She just nods, rather pathetically. Any other day and I'd tell this kid to get it together, but today wasn't the day. Although something told me I'd eventually have to say it.