Haven

Chapter Thirteen

10pm came and went, and he still hadn't sent me off to bed or taken my phone. I needed him to, cause I felt bad for snapping on him as much as I had.
At the same time, who sits under information like that. I don't think it had sunk in yet, I didn't feel as though I could process the information.
I couldn't delve into the dark recesses of my mind in his presence, I knew once I left him behind it would get tumultuous.

Alex sighed deeply, and upon glancing at him he was checking his watch.
"We should probably go to bed, hmm?" He basically asks me and I shrug.
Alex was terrified, so much so that he was asking my permission for him to send me to bed. I understood why, especially with the aftermath of our afternoon that transpired. I was stoic, unemotional and that rattled him, I couldn't fully comprehend it myself but I knew it wasn't changing that day or potentially even that month.

There was one thing he was absolutely right about, we had a conversation that I wasn't ready to hear, the worst part about that being I wasn't going to have stopped until I knew the truth. I pushed him into putting me in this position, and so I realized another thing; he knew better than I did.
While Alex battled with whether to let me call the shots or show me nothings changed, I battled with if I still thought he was wrong to lie to me or not.
I had visions of myself rocking back and forth all night that day, as I sat there on the couch with my knees pulled to my chest.
One thing I did know for sure, he knew best.

I finally nodded to Alex, who looked the most uncertain I'd ever seen him. Then again, it had only been a little over a month.
I sighed deeply, pulling my hands through my hair roughly.
"I'm not even so sure I disagree with your decision to withhold some information from me at this stage." I force out, my voice sounding foreign to me. He looked confused, his tired eyes scrunching up.
I decide to put him out of his misery and tell him what I think. "You need to continue following your instincts, with all the turbulent emotions going through me right now, one rational thought has prevailed." I looked down to my hands, picking the skin around my fingernails. I had anxiously torn my fingers apart that evening.

I exhale a ragged breath, desperately trying to keep a hold on my nerve. "The reason I've done so well with you is I always know where I stand with you, that hasn't really changed. So send me to bed, take my phone, whatever you want. I'll feel worse if you don't."
I hear him almost groan.
"I know, but I don't want you to leave me tonight." He says apologetically, and my head jerks up to look at him. He looks as vulnerable as I feel and a small laugh escapes my lips. Like father, like daughter.
"Don't laugh at me!" He chuckles, shaking his head.

I move over to sit closer to him, desperately seeking the comfort he also needed. "I don't wanna go to bed either, I'm not gonna sleep." I admit, fidgeting with my hands. "Again." I add, knowingly.
He takes my hands, after a minute of watching me destroy them further. "Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself." I want to laugh, but I don't.
"You don't need to feel anxious, or upset. If anything, I thought this would at least make you realize that you're permanent around here."
I shrug, smiling sadly. "Being someone's biological child hasn't been made me a sure thing in the past. All it means is that it hurts more when they let you down." I tell him, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

Alex just pulls me closer to him, as cold hearted as he could be with some topics, he was very cuddly. In that moment, all I could think was, he would've been a great dad all along.
"I'm not going to let you down, Jaida. That's a promise and I don't break promises."
"Okay." I concede, wanting to believe him. "How old are you, Alex?" I blurt out.
He snickers at the question, it was random. "I'll be 36." He says and I almost scoff. What a weird answer. "Tomorrow."
I push myself up off him, my mouth hanging open in disbelief. "You really gave me shit for not telling you about my birthday when yours is tomorrow? Like on the same exact day?" I laugh in disbelief, was he serious?