My Partner Against Crime

Chapter 67

"I'm home." I tiredly call out as I walk though the garage door into the house. Spencer sits on the couch reading, not bothering to stand and greet me

"Hey love, how was your trip?" I suddenly felt my chest tighten. His question nearly makes me rip my hair out with guilt, and a split second later my nausea shoves me into the bathroom falling on my knees hard in front of the toilet.

"It's okay, I have you." Spencer kneels down with me he must've moved quickly. He gently holds my hair back with one hand, and with the other he massages up and down my spine . Fuck I feel horrible

"I thought you were past this. The fourth month is meant to be easier, although I suppose that's only what I've been reading and I can only assume everyone is different." I wipe my mouth with toilet paper and lean against the bathroom wall.

"I guess it's just going to be a little longer for me." I'm not upset, if anything I welcome my discomfort. I'm accepting my extended nausea as punishment, I don't care how long it lasts, I can't help but feel I deserve this.

"Let's go lay down." Spencer stands me up and guides me to our bedroom. He begins undressing me slowly, and carefully as if I'll shatter into pieces if he makes one wrong move. He dresses me in a pair of his boxer briefs and an old black T-shirt from my dresser.

"Lay down." He guides me to our bed then makes sure I'm well situated and comfortable.

"Where's Marshall?" As much as I missed him I didn't want him to see me like this.

"He's at Ryan's house, I was planning on picking him up soon but if you need me-"

"No, go get him. He doesn't like sleeping at Ryan's house, I guess his parents are strict." I've wanted to be there for him as much as I can, I learn what I can from him and make sure I'm in the loop as much as I can be.

"Okay, I'll be back. I love you." He kisses my head and gives my stomach a little rub before leaving. I look down at my little bump, I can't believe it's been four months, coming up on five in two weeks. We'll know our babies gender soon enough, once Spencer and I go visit my family as they insist on us having a gender reveal party. I know Spencer is hoping for a girl, and honestly I am open either way. I'd love to have a daughter especially since we already have a son. At the same time having another boy could be really good for Marshall, although I think he's secretly hoping for a baby sister too.

I lay in bed with my thoughts tossing and turning until I finally hear the garage door open. I could tell Spencer already had a talk with Marsh as they both walked in quietly, and Marshall approached me very gently

"Hey you." My heart can't help but melt whenever I see him.

"Hi, are you feeling okay?" His dark brows furrowed with concern.

"Yeah I'm fine, this guys just must be growing a little extra today." I rest my hand on my stomach, an odd desire I've had since I've been pregnant.

"How was Ryan's?" I sit up enough to give him my attention and he moves to sit on the bed with me. Spencer comes and joins us. I love this, this whole feeling of being a family. Despite what Spencer and I are going through, I still love him, and I'm still having our baby.

Our baby. My heart warms as I listen to Marshall spare no details of his little play date.

"I'm going to go do my homework, can I play games after?" Marshall's eager face warmed me.

"Sure, just don't be up late." I don't bother setting an end time, he's a good kid and doesn't play too often. Plus I'm not in the place to be at my full capacity for parenting right now.

"How're you feeling?" Spencer gently rubs his hand around my stomach in circles.

"I'm fine." He warm hand relaxes me.

"Do you want tea? I read that raspberry tea might ease your discomfort." I'm thankful for Spencer during this time. As overbearing as he can be, at least he's just trying to do what he can to put me at ease.

"I'll take some, thank you love." My phone buzzes on my bedside table just as he walks out.

From: Hotch

Are you able to be in a little early tomorrow? I have a new rookie coming in from Chicago that I think could really benefit from your help. I'll buy you breakfast!

Just from reading his name I can already feel my stomach bubbling up again. The pressure in my chest starts to feel suffocating. I try to breathe, but my breaths come out panicked and short.

Spencer comes back into the room carefully balancing a mug, when he sees me sitting up attempting to catch my breath he quickly abandons the tea on our dresser and rushes to me.

"Breathe baby." He takes my hands and dramatically exemplifies how to bring me back. I try my best to follow along and get back into control, but my thoughts still run.

"Marina?" I hear Marshall peak in to check in on us, just from hearing his voice I already feel more grounded. I finally catch my breath.

"It's okay, we're okay, you can go back to your game." Spencer tries to boot Marshall away from the situation. He leaves, thankfully, I don't want him to see me as the mess I've become.

Spencer tenderly places my hands on my thighs, then gets up to shut the room door. He comes back to me, squatting down so we're face to face.

"What's going on? I can tell you're off, and this panic attack that just came on... You can talk to me." I can't, I wanted to badly to say. Leave it to him to be able to read me.

"I don't really know what to do," I start. "On the plane I used my laptop and your messages popped up. I know you're still seeing her." The nausea is strong, but my urge to get out the truth is stronger.

"I-, it's not, I don't," I listen as he fumbles with his words. "I'm not." He bites the corner his lip, an all too obvious tell.

"After I saw that, I made some choices, choices that I can't take back and it's making me sick. At this point it doesn't matter what you've done, it's what I did that I can't accept." He pulls away from me.

"What have you done?" The look on his face already looks betrayed. Even if he's also in the wrong, he deserves the truth. My thoughts are screaming at me, at the same time I feel my vocal cords refuse to turn on.

"I spent the night with someone." My heart beats out of my body, my hands go numb.

"You spent the night with someone? What, what does that mean? You had some childish sleep over? You fucked someone? What are you on?" His rambles go on, I've never felt more afraid of him.

"I know it's not right, but what you've put me through, Spencer..." I trail off not wanting him to think I'm justifying my actions.

"You're right, I forced you into this hm? God forbid you actually take responsibility for what you've done. We have a son, how is Marshall going to feel knowing you've torn us apart? Our baby, if that child even is my fucking baby, isn't going to know what a proper, healthy family is like because her mother slept around! I hope it was worth it." He somehow manages to scream at the top of his lungs and yet be quiet enough to not be heard by anyone outside of this bedroom.

"Spencer, I didn't just do this. You think I wanted to sleep with someone that wasn't you? Look at what we've become, if this is even still a 'we'. You have made me exhausted. Don't act like you weren't the first to give up on this. You've fucked us time and time again, I'm not going to be the one to blame, especially since I had actually had the decency to tell you." I walk out of the room with no intention of coming back.