My Partner Against Crime

Chapter 30

I wake up to breakfast in bed made by Spencer. Of course, by breakfast, I mean just cereal, but it's the thought that counts.

"I thought we could go visit the team today, what do you think?" I nearly choke as he brings it up.

"Um, no I don't think that's a good idea. I've separated myself so much from them, I don't feel okay to just show up and announce our marriage. Plus they're starting a new case today, they're probably gone by now." I pick up the tray my cereal is served on and get out of bed. Spencer follows me as I walk downstairs to the kitchen.

"We have to start somewhere. They're family, even if we're not ready to answer all of their questions we can't just ignore them, I can't think of a reason why you'd want to do that." I place my bowl in the kitchen sink and face him.

"How was I supposed to tell them our situation? I don't think you realize how hard this whole thing has been on me. So don't act like just because you're back means I forgot everything." I lean against the cool granite counter and sigh knowing this'll turn into a whole thing.

"How do you think I feel? I've been isolated from everything and everyone for months. You had them, I didn't."

"You made a choice, I didn't. I had to go to work every day and pretend I was okay and tell this story of how you were visiting your Mom. People start asking questions, they want to know more and more and every day I had to deal with that! I'd come home to an empty house and I could only talk to Aaron about our situation. So don't you dare blame me for this situation."

We stand in silence, tears force their way down my face, Spencer no longer seems angry, just hurt.

"You could have talked to me."

"No, I couldn't have. Put yourself in my shoes, I know for a fact you wouldn't have called... You put me in such an uncomfortable situation. I felt like such a fucking idiot when our wedding day came and went. Everyone was asking me what happened, and of course, I couldn't tell them. I was living this obvious lie that I couldn't talk about to preserve your image. So if you want to see them, fine, but they're going to want to know what the hell happened, and you're going to have to be ready for that."

I walk out of the kitchen and upstairs to take a shower. I knew it was too good to be true to have this perfect life just because Spencer got treatment.

Just as I'm getting out of the shower my phone vibrates on the bathroom counter. It reads 'Hotch'. I quickly wrap my hair in a towel and dried my hand before answering the call.

"Hello?" I for some reason feel nervous. Is he just calling to ask questions about Spencer?

"Marina? Do you have a minute?" I nod, then rolled my eyes realizing he can't see me.

"Yeah, what's up?" Spencer walks into the bedroom and leans against the bed listening in.

"JJ had her baby this morning, a boy." My eyes widen.

"Oh wow, that's great, if you see her let her know I said congrats. Thanks for letting me know." Spencer looks curious, I can tell he's trying to piece together the conversation.

"Of course... How are things with Spencer?" I glance back over at him.

"Good, he looks really good. I'll talk to you soon."

"Alright, bye." I hang up and place my phone back down on the counter, then walk out to Spencer.

"JJ had the baby." His eyes widen just as mine had.

"That's insane, I can't believe how quickly the time passed..." We stand in silence for a moment before he looks up at me with soft eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry. I never thought of it as your problem too. I've been selfish, and I haven't thought of how my actions have affected you. When you're ready, we can tell everyone, until then I can wait."

I smile at his apology, thankful he understands my side of things.

"Thank you. When you come back to work we can ease into it, I just don't want to randomly announce this." He nods and hugs me.

"So what should we do today?" He asks pulling back from the hug.

"I don't really feel like doing much... maybe we can go for a walk?" I walk into my closet and start getting dressed.

"Yeah, that sounds nice. I'll go shower and we can go." Spencer says, slightly louder so I can hear him from our distance. He takes a towel from the bathroom closet and turns on the water.

-

We walk around a large, well cared for park. It's truly a perfect day.

"When do you think you'll go back to work?" This is my second day off, since I've been with Spencer I haven't even thought about going back.

"Probably a day or two. Did you talk with Hotch about you coming back?" I look up at him as he shrugs.

"I think it's going to take some time, he said going to rehab certainly helped, but I'm not going to have the same freedom, and trust as before. I'm apparently an at-risk agent." We stop at a black bench under a large, shady tree and sit.

"Well, we'll figure things out. Worst case scenario you could be a stay at home dad with no kids." He rests his arm on the back of the bench, gently tracing circles on my arm.

"I could be a dog dad, although I don't think dogs really like me." I smile thinking about Spencer awkwardly petting a dog.

"I want a baby." My eyes widen at Spencer's request.

"What?" I furrow my brows and pull back to look at him.

"Don't you? Half you half me, just our own little one." His face lights up at the thought.

"Spencer, we're way too busy for that."

"You are too busy, I'm not even sure Hotch will want me back on the team. I'm on probation, I can lose my job with one stike." He pulls me closer and holds my face in his hands.

"I want this, I know you do too, so just please think about it." He lets go of me and rubs my shoulders.

"Right now? You want to do this right now?" My heart races at the thought of the life-changing event.

"It doesn't have to be now, I just want to know there's a possibility of it happening. I mean, don't you want to watch our kids grow up and see who they become, and what their lives are like? We could have grandchildren and big family gatherings. Don't you want that?" By the tone of his voice I know he desperately wants this, and as good as it sounded, I still don't know what I want.

"You think you could handle a baby? They're just one big germ, and there's all the crying, and diaper changing, constant attention. I mean we can't just do what we want, we basically lose our freedom." I see more cons than pros.

"I'm more than willing to deal with all of that." I look up at him. I know the longer we're together the more he wants this, and part of me does too, but we've been through this once and it didn't turn out well.

"Fine, there's a change we might, have a baby." His face immediately lights up.

"Really? Wow, I have a lot of reading to do, and preparing, I mean we have to baby proof the house and get a room ready and-" I squish his cheeks together to stop his rambling.

"Calm down, I'm not even pregnant. I don't want to do this right now, there's a lot going on and I still have to mentally prepare for all that."

His smile slightly drops, but he still holds that excited glow.

"I can wait." He sits with a smile that can't be wiped off his face.

We continue to enjoy our environment on the bench. I know Spencer has a billion thoughts running through his head, and of course, I do too, would I change my mind last minute? Would a baby be good for us?

I try my best to clear my mind of baby thoughts, and enjoy Spencer's company.