The Perfection of My Insanity

Choices to be made

Diamond's POV:

He kissed me on the cheek.

It wasn't seducting or meant to "turn me on" so to speak. He just kissed me on the cheek. It was nice and soft and I don't think he meant anything by it.

If someone would have told me a year ago, today, that I would be laying in bed with Jades brother, a boy no less. I'd first ask who the hell was that and then I'd laugh or rather fake it because I didn't smile back then. But I smile now and laugh and I don't have bruises or sores and I think I'm happy.

For me at least.

I'm happy when he's around.

I thought that maybe I should tell him about Niall but that could destroy the little bit of happiness that I have. I refuse to let Niall fucking Horan ruin yet another good thing in my life.

But there are other things, things that not even Jade knows. There are lies and secrets. There were other attempt.

And let's just say I suck at taking my own life.
Apparently not other people's though

One other time when I was younger and stupid. I took some pills.I don't remember what kind or how many, I'm quite sure that I just grabbed what I could and swallowed what I could manage.

And then I just lied there with my eyes closed and I could hear my heart beating slowly.

But when I opened my eyes my mother was staring down at me as I lay that on the bathroom floor. They didn't take me to the hospital they just had me barf in the toilet and flush out the drugs of whatever it was that I had taken with fluids.

But that was then.

And now I have other things to hide then an idiotic attempt to take my life.

I...I....I killed a man. In his own home and with his own knife. I took a human life away and I liked it.

Oh god I can still hear the blood gushing and the feeling the knife pushing past the flesh only to be pulled out by me and then pushed right back in again by me. I can here scrubbing sounds of the bloody rag trying to clean up what I had done and the same rag wiping away the evidence of my identity ever stepping foot in that God forsaken house.

I should have burned that motherfucker to the god damn ground.

But I didn't and that son of a bitch got what he deserved. He had it coming and if I could redo what I've done then I wouldn't change a thing. It's still doesn't change a thing. Yes, I killed a man. Yes I liked it. And yes March 9th will continue to be one of the worst days if my life.

It's the day Niall damn near killed me at that park and had that not have happened then Liam would have never taken me in, resulting in him getting jump by his own "friends". I can still here Zayn whispering in my ear telling me to watch. And that piece of shit to apologize.

And me the person I am, left, and ran into Jake.

It's almost funny how no matter where it is or what happens. Niall can always be the source of my problems. The cause of my pain. Always.

Be that doesn't matter anymore, I'm done with him and as far as I know he dropped off the face of the earth and I'm completely okay with that.

Although, I still wonder what would happen if Jason found out.

Would he be mad at me. He would look at me different.

What if Jade broke up with Liam and their relationship would be ruined.