The Perfection of My Insanity

The things we want

There are things in this world that we want, things that we're not supposed to want so we act like we don't want those things when, in fact, we do and we know that we can't and shouldn't want those things but we do.
It can be simple things like secretly loving something that you shouldn't or obsessed with something "out of the ordinary". A guilty pleasure if you will. I've had those. Everyone has had those but not like this one.

Jason's POV:

She walked out of my bedroom door again. I guess I should get used to this by now. Who said begining were hard but it gets easier? I'd like to show that asshole my entire fucking life. Beginnings are easy. The first word to that essay? Easy. The beginning of a recipe? Easy. Kissing her for the first time? Way to easy. Beginnings are easy it's the endings that are messy. You never hear someone complain about the fall it's just the landing that fucks you up.
You know it gets annoying being pointed at and called the bad guy when in reality is a wolf that bad if the sheep line up for him. Am I that bad for wanting her. She was fine a couple of hours ago, no she was better than fine. She was happy and then she fucking turned on me like I did something wrong.
It was a rush seeing her storm in here though. I could damn near hear her counting down as she waltzed through the threshold.
But to her it was all a game, my game. It felt like someone accusing an alcoholic who's been trying to sober up of drinking, me being the alcoholic.
But that's all fine with me because she hesitated. That means I've still got my shot at..at..well I don't know yet but I've got a shot at something.
She was too eager to change the subject from her nightmare, it makes me wonder what she dreamt about last night or should I say this morning. It had to do with this new found sight for me, of course. One way or another I'll get it out of her. It's a shame that she thought it was game. It wasn't, but of course now it is and it's all her's. I hope she figures that out soon. It'll be fun with two players for once.
Jade thought she was some kind of genus sneaking Liam up here when the only person who doesn't known is probably Diamond. She'll find out soon enough when she goes to get her overnight bag. She's smart but the look on her face when I told her what I really think of her was clueless. Maybe I could've worded it differently but there are only so many ways to say 'I really want to fuck you but I can't cause it's wrong'.
I hope I didn't scare her away but I already know she doesn't scare easy.
"Oh my god!" Diamond yells. Thin walls makes easy entertainment. I guess she finally found out Liam's here.
I open my door to watch the wrecking ball do its work for a second time.
"You really need to learn how to knock, sweetheart" I tell her as she jogs down stairs clutching her bag to her chest.
"Bite me Jew Jew bean!!" She yells up at me. Little does she know I kind of like that. I might take her up on that offer.
 

Diamond's POV:

Fuck him!!
Leaning up against his fucking door like some fucking greaser from 'The Outsiders'. I'd like to bite his head off. He makes me want to grind my teeth. That little obnoxious prick. What the hell does that even mean? "I've still got a shot". A shot at what? I keep hearing his voice saying that he doesn't date on repeat.
He probably just wants to fuck you.
I should have just walked away. I know I should have just turned around and walked out the door before he had the chance to fill my head with this bullshit.
But you know you wouldn't have changed a thing.
"This isn't my game it's your's. Only you can make this decision". My game? If it's my game then I can make up the rules. I tried to ignore the little voice in back of my head telling me to just walk away from the situation. It's a game right? So to win I just have to be better at getting something from him than he is at getting something from me. But all I want is the truth and that's not much.
I hear a voice in the corner if my mind telling me that it doesn't have to be significant, as long as the other person is giving it to you. This voice sounds a lot like Jay. I think the fun part is that I'm basically making this shit up as I go along. I guess it's the perks of having your own game.
Stop you're supposed to be done with him.
I don't want to get too sucked into this but I need to know what were his true intentions.
My mother pulled up quickly and of course snapping at me for day dreaming when I should have been getting into the car. I plotted the whole way home about what specific outfit to wear tomorrow and what routes to take to class. Even what to say if I bumped into him. I was starting to scare myself. I wonder if normal girls think this way. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe it's insanity.